Having just extended my 100 percent success rate in extracting Milkbones from my Kong ball, I come to you this morning with a grave concern. You see, my heating bill this month was through the roof. A typical bill in the ayatollah household this time of year is around $70. This month, it is over $200. I am certain that you are as outraged as I am. Although I do not actually pay the bills, I am still concerned. That extra money has to come from somewhere; what if my parents have to dip into the rawhide fund? That would be most unacceptable. So I must swiftly and forthrightly condemn Atmos Energy for this outrageous gas bill.
It would be one thing if I had recently taken in a family of gypsies or started bathing more than two times a month. But that is not the case. Instead, we have had an exceedingly warm winter. And thanks to my vibrant fur coat, I am able to keep the thermostat set low even when the weather cools. There is simply no reason for this exorbitant bill. As you know, I am not one to throw around inflammatory language lightly. But this smacks of price-gouging, and that is an ugly phenomenon, indeed. The only instance I can think of that would justify this outrageous energy bill is a sharp increase in the share price of Devon Energy (DVN). In that case, the capitalist pug in me would readily pronounce that this is simply a result of market forces at work.