Saturday, June 28, 2008
Ahhhh .... so refreshing.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Congratulations are in order for Gus, who was crowned the world's ugliest dog over the weekend at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in California. Gus has one eye, almost no hair, and he's rockin' three legs. But still, he's kind of cute. Not pug-puppy-cute, mind you, but cute. He's no threat to the dynasty of ugliness that was the late, great three-time champ Sam. Fortunately, there were no scandals in this year's contest like the one in the 2006 competition.
The congregation might also be interested to learn that a California company will give away a free dog cloning to the pet owner who best pleads his or her canine's case for immortality. BioArts International says it will accept submissions for the Golden Clone Giveaway in the form of 500-word essays submitted by 3 p.m. today. The ayatollah has made clear his feelings on the matter, so I strongly discourage you from entering.
Finally, you may have heard that God was arrested on a charge of selling cocaine near a Florida church. Don't worry; Mugsy assures me it's not that God.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
But that which does not kill me only makes me hungrier. My appetite is fully restored, and I am rapidly regaining my strength. Last night, I even briefly gave chase to young Wendell, before my parents intervened to settle me down. Although I am doing well, my veterinarian wants me to take it easy for the next week or two. So I will be temporarily turning over my blogging duties to young Wendell. I believe he is ready to take on such a major responsibility, and he should bring a fresh, young perspective to the pulpit. God willing, he will help the ministry capture some of the coveted "tween" demographic.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Pentagon and independent military analysts alike expressed shock over the immense size of the canine-helmed fleet, which before this week had been thought to consist of just two pugs, a rubber ducky chew toy and an inflatable raft. Even more disturbing, Pentagon officials said, was the growing interspecies cooperation on display.
"Ayatollah Mugsy, the ARF's spiritual leader, seems to have tapped into the zeitgeist of the animal kingdom," said Doug Jones of the RAND Corp., a nonprofit research organization.
Off the Irish coast, Labrador retrievers conducted joint exercises with a pod of dolphins. Witnesses said the dolphins appeared to have missiles mounted on their fins, and analysts suspected they had defected from a top-secret U.S. Navy program because of the ARF's superior food rations.
Half a world away, a clan of barking sea lions set up a naval blockade near the Golden Gate Bridge. The marine mammals, which swore allegiance to Ayatollah Mugsy last fall, were boarding and searching all ships entering and exiting San Francisco Bay.
The ayatollah reportedly set the naval exercises in motion in response to public comments that were deemed a threat to his Pug Life Ministries. "This show of force seems to be having the desired effect," said the RAND Corp.'s Jones. "I suspect that any human would think twice before challenging the ayatollah's authority."
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Members of the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF) naval branch engaged in exercises across a broad swath of the Gulf of Mexico, with upwards of 8,000 seadogs taking part. The ARF is the military wing of Pug Life Ministries, led by the enigmatic Ayatollah Mugsy.
The exercises included artillery bombardment, torpedo targeting and a scuba demonstration by the elite special-operations Chihuahua Force. Details on the Chihuahua Force are sketchy, but its members are rumored to be experts in dog-paddling and underwater demolitions, as well as highly trained assassins.
The show of force is believed to be the result of a heightened alert level at the ministry, whose leader has at times been called insular and paranoid. Officials at Ayatollah Mugsy's office declined to comment.
The U.S. Navy scrambled F/A-18 fighter jets in response to the ARF naval exercises, but Navy officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said they wanted to make sure the situation did not escalate.
"So far, these dogs are just engaging in training exercises," said one high-ranking admiral. "The last thing we want to do is provoke them."
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
Norway's ruling came in the case of Casper the police dog, who chased down a loathsome burglar when his human handlers could not keep up. The thief kicked and punched Casper, but Casper would not back down. Like any dedicated police dog, he collared the perp.
Casper, a proud canine nation salutes you. The next doughnut is on us.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Before she left, Esther presented Wendell and me with the outfits she had been sewing for us. Wendell, overcome with puppy excitement, immediately tried his on.
"Esther," I barked, "I think I will save mine for a special occasion."