Saturday, August 13, 2005

My life: Descent into addiction

Chapter IV
We all have our vices. Some smoke cigarettes. Some drink too much. Some gamble away their savings. My vice of choice has always been women's underwear. Some chew tobacco; I chew panties. Cotton or satin, thong or granny panty, I love 'em all. When I was a pup, I would burrow through the laundry pile, find some lingerie to my liking, and then chew the day away. When we'd have visitors, I'd find a way to open up their suitcase. Guests were always shocked -- and more than a little embarrassed -- when I came rocketing into the room with their underwear hanging from my mouth, my head shaking furiously. Anything to get my fix. As I gained fame as the Notorious M.U.G., my access to panties grew exponentially. I was like a slightly less wrinkly Tom Jones. Every night, women would fling their panties onto the stage. They couldn't help themselves. By the end of the show, I'd have panties hanging from my tail, panties draped across my back, and, of course, a fresh pair hanging from my jowls. What began as an occasional vice had become a full-fledged addiction. I hired a crew of roadies whose sole responsibility was to gather up each night's underwear haul. It reached a point where I couldn't even go into the recording studio without a few pounds of panties to get me through the session. I was a junkie, pure and simple. And I was about to encounter the ultimate temptation.
To be continued


JMG said...

Wow! I can't wait to find out how you transformed your life into the great spiritual leader you are now!

BTW, was in the pet supply last night and saw that a pug graces the cover of "Dog Fancy" this month. Any kin to you?

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

I was at first reluctant to share the details of my sordid past, but I realized that my tale of triumph had the potential to inspire and uplift.

The coverpug on "Dog Fancy" is Jarvis, a deacon in the Methodist wing of Pug Life Ministries. As far as I know, we are not related. But we are all brothers and sisters under God.