Saturday, April 24, 2010

Mugsy to attend Lady Gaga party

I am about to depart for a Lady Gaga party, my flock. God help me. 

Mother has been preparing since last weekend, browsing the store aisles for blonde wigs and fishnet stockings and odd items to turn into hats or masks. I have seen her wear both a plastic shark and a unicorn upon her head, and I've seen her try on two Curious George masks in ways that the manufacturer surely did not intend. A few days ago, she entered the room after applying a heavy patina of makeup. "Does this look like Lady Gaga?" she asked. I studied her face. "I think Lady Gaga looks less like a prostitute," I answered. Honesty is a virtue. Today, she found a professional to apply her eyeshadow at a local store makeup counter. 

Having made most of her preparations, mother this afternoon finally told me some details about the planned festivities. "There's gonna be a drag show," she said. "Will you be comfortable with that, given your standing as an ultra-conservative pug religious icon?"

I considered the question and shrugged. "I don't see why not," I answered. "I have no problem with racing cars."

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Mugsy condemns excessive spacing

Ever since I switched to the "new and improved" Blogger, my posts are sullied by these massive spaces between paragraphs. 

See? Does anyone know of an easy way to fix this?

Day at the Cotton Bowl

I recently attended a historic gathering, my flock. What began with a blog post almost one year ago today culminated in the largest Water-Bowl Party yet at the Cotton Bowl last weekend. Dogs from across the country converged on the Dallas stadium to protest anything and everything. And to do a good bit of sniffing and biscuit-eating in the House that Doak Walker built. 

Among the topics we protested:

  • High taxes and taxation without canine representation.
  • Excessive government spending and regulation.
  • Insufficient government social programs and the feds' inability to reign in the Wall Street "fat cats."
  • People who insist on crossing the road in a slow, catty-corner manner, rather than walking straight across. 
You may think it sounds a little bit like one of those human Tea Parties, and you'd be right. Except that we canines have far better spelling and grammar on our protest signs, and the average cuteness quotient of our protesters is significantly higher. 

We also had different rules at our canine gathering. For example, a strict child leash law was in effect to minimize tail-pulling. The lad below broke free from his parents and ran around with his leash dragging on the ground for a few anxious moments before he was subdued by the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF). Our investment in nonlethal Taser guns has already begun to pay dividends. 

Several wading pools were set up on the field of play to help the canines stay cool. And at one point, the sprinkler system turned on without warning. This sent me high-tailing it in the opposite direction. Allah intended water to be in my bowl, not on my fur. 

One of my favorite things about such large-scale gatherings is that they give me an opportunity to mingle with my flock -- to sniff the commoners, so to bark. I met one particularly fetching pug named Delilah, who works part-time at the fine Woof store in Plano alongside her brother Wilbur. I sniffed her with great vigor -- you should've seen my tail wagging. I stuck by Delilah's side for much of the afternoon. Though I enjoyed meeting all of the fine canines in my flock, she was my favorite harem prospect. Note her ubersexy tongue.

Unfortunately, my brother Wendell has a tendency to try to insinuate himself into the middle of my dates at the most inopportune times. 

He can be such a flock-block. 

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Mugsy prepares for Dog Bowl

I hope to see my Dallas-area friends at the Cotton Bowl on Sunday. It becomes a dog park from 1 to 5 p.m.! Details can be found here.

Mugsy wins Dogster award

I am honored to accept Dogster's Top Dog Blogger Award as the greatest canine Muslim blogger of the millennium. I want to thank Dogster, for recognizing true greatness, and my parents, for keeping me humble. I also want to thank Allah, without Whom none of this would have been possible. Allahu akbar!

Find more dog breeds here!
Visit Mugsy's Dogster page here!

Mugsy linked to Kyrgyzstan uprising?

BISHKEK, Kyrgyzstan -- As thousands of demonstrators gathered in the main square of the Kyrgyz capital Saturday amid sporadic gunfire, U.S. intelligence analysts said this week's uprising in the Central Asian nation bore the signs of outside influence from an enigmatic Texas-based canine cleric.

The pug, known as Ayatollah Mugsy, has long exerted considerable influence in the predominantly Muslim country, which also has a large dog population. 

"This uprising has the ayatollah's paw prints all over it," said one U.S. intelligence official, speaking on condition of anonymity. 

Citizens in the main square Saturday evening chanted slogans calling for more freedom and greater access to veterinary care and vowels. 

Opposition forces were seen carrying dog crates and other supplies Saturday into the presidential palace of President Kurmanbek Bakiyev, who was forced into hiding earlier in the week. And the many episodes of looting in the capital and surrounding areas seemed to wipe out pet aisles while leaving clothing, household products and electronics largely untouched.

"All my rawhide is gone," said Umarov Bishkiyev, a shopkeeper in central Bishkek. "And the dog food, too. All gone."

Meanwhile, at the sprawling Manas Air Base, a key facility for U.S. military operations in Afghanistan, officials were scrambling to identify the crews on a series of unauthorized early-morning cargo flights that departed the country.

"In the dead of night, these three cargo planes landed, loaded up and left -- destination unknown," said Air Force Gen. Adam Hollingshead. "We found our security at the front gate and at the tower incapacitated, apparently knocked out by some kind of sleeping gas. All the surveillance cameras were wiped out. We have no idea who flew those planes or what kind of cargo they carried."

Military investigators said they were analyzing bulldog fur found at the scene.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Wendell ascends to papacy

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- The Catholic world was stunned Thursday after Pope Pius Pug resigned as vicar of the church, brought down by the spiraling scandal over inappropriate petting in the clergy. 

The Catholic Church then took the extraordinary step of skipping its usual conclave to select a new pope and instead immediately installing a 2-year-old Texas pug named Wendell as the next pontiff. Wendell is believed to be the youngest pope in church history. 

One senior bishop, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the church needed to bring in a "hip, youthful leader" to appeal to Catholics who had begun to feel disgruntled with the previous pontiff. 

In a brief statement delivered from the balcony of St. Peter's Basilica, Wendell said that he'd decided against taking "one of those stodgy old-school pope names" and that he would instead call himself "Popey Dub." Dub is apparently an urban slang word used to refer to the "W" in Wendell.

"I don't know much about this whole Catholic theology thing," the black pug barked. "I'm really more of a ball-chaser and rawhide-chewer. But we'll figure it out.

"I'm really excited to be taking over the church during Holy Week -- I hear it's a big deal. So I'm gonna check through my closets and find my craziest pope outfit, and we're all gonna hide some eggs and celebrate the resurrection of the Easter Bunny in style! Peace out, dudes."