Golden investment opportunity

Let it be known by one and all (and especially GoldenPalace.com) that the chance to own a piece of history has arrived. This week, I will journey to PetSmart to have my nails trimmed. And I will save the clippings. If William Shatner's kidney stone is worth $25,000, then surely my nails will bring in at least $20,000. I want to hurry and get this auction under way, before GoldenPalace -- with its investment portfolio of worthless oddities -- goes belly-up. I never commanded the Starship Enterprise, but I do lead the world's largest interfaith, interspecies congregation. God willing, that has to count for something. Let the bidding begin at $5.