Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Cross me at your peril

Enemies of Pug Life, consider this a warning. You may see the ministry's recent legal troubles as a moment of weakness, as a chance to tear down the religious empire that I have painstakingly assembled. You may believe that because of my affable, easygoing nature, I am a ripe target. If you believe this, you are dead wrong. It is true that I am a peace-loving dog of God. But when I am pushed, I will fight back. Take, for example, Blue Bull. Once a loyal friend, Blue Bull betrayed me. Even worse, he betrayed Pug Life. I caught Blue Bull conspiring against the ministry, trying to sabotage our plans for the Dogloo Mosque. When I confronted Blue Bull, he physically attacked me and taunted me with his squeaking. Look at Blue Bull now, his cotton innards bulging from his severed torso. His limp body suspended from a banana hook. Don't let Blue Bull's fate befall you.


JMG said...

Please allow me to ask an honest and sincere question, Mugsy. As a follower of Jesus, I am not supposed to engage in physical violence--but that's easier said than done! Anyway, as a good Muslim Pug, how do you determine when you must abandon a peaceful avenue and tear out your enemy's stuffing? Some Christian friends were having this discussion over on another blog, and I just thought I'd get your take on it.

On a similar note, one of my Jack Russell Terriers disembowels all stuffed animals that make even one little squeak. He rips them apart until he finds the squeaker, and then he makes sure that they never squeak again.

And thanks for all your nice comments on my blog!

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

That is a very good question. Just the other day, I was speaking with the pope about the principles of a just war. Among them is self-defense. When Blue Bull attacked me, I felt that I had no choice but to respond in kind. He was squeaking mere inches from my snout. And keep in mind, my snout is practically concave, so that's even closer than it would be for most dogs. Another principle of a just war is proportionality. Did I go to far in thrashing Blue Bull? Perhaps. This is a question that I continue to struggle with. I believe that the key for us as mammals of God is to try to use violence only as a last resort. Of course, our judgments are not infallible.

It sounds as if your Jack Russells might benefit from anger-management counseling, a service that we here at Pug Life Ministries provide.