Monday, July 25, 2005

... doesn't all stay in Vegas

I am back from Las Vegas, and I'm sorry to report that my fundraising efforts were not as successful as I'd hoped. In fact, the ministry's general fund is now nearly empty. I thought that my weekend investment strategy, diversified across several games -- slot machines, blackjack, roulette, video poker, etc. -- would be successful. Astoundingly, the prudent investments did not pay off. But I have no fear; for I believe that the faithful Pug Life followers will come through in this time of need. I am also in the early stages of talks with a certain casino company on a deal that may prove to be a boon to Pug Life Ministries. It is too early for you to get your hopes up (or to stop sending donations), but I will keep you posted on the progress of these negotiations and perhaps post an artist's rendering of my plans, which could forever alter the face of the Las Vegas Strip.
While fundraising at Caesar's Palace in the wee hours of Sunday morning, I was approached by a woman in a white dress. She asked whether I was having any luck and introduced herself as Jasmine. After she shook my paw, she remarked on the softness of my head. "Do you mind if I touch it?" she asked. "Be my guest," I replied. She then began to pet me. "It's soooo soft," she said. "What kind of shampoo do you use?" I explained to her that I do not bathe myself and therefore was not sure of the brand name but that I thought it was a purple shampoo with a picture of a cocker spaniel on the bottle. Jasmine left soon thereafter, as I paid more attention to my video-poker fundraising than to her. I must confess that I was not sure if she was a star-crossed admirer of mine or a common harlot, though I lean toward the latter. But Jasmine, if you're reading, the shampoo is Hartz Groomer's Best Puppy Shampoo. The extra gentle, tearless formula. Perhaps, God willing, it can soften up your greasy mane.

1 comment:

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