Sunday, September 03, 2006

Mugsy declared fit for command

DALLAS (AP) -- Ayatollah Mugsy -- the cleric behind the world's largest interfaith, interspecies ministry -- was pronounced fit for command by his veterinarian after his annual physical exam on Saturday.

The ayatollah had his checkup at Dallas' world-renowned Pepper Square Pet Clinic. His veterinarian, who asked to be referred to as "Dr. P" for security reasons, said Mugsy appeared to be in excellent health.

She said his teeth were in fine condition, and the pigment in his eyes was unchanged from a year ago.

The mullah's weight was up slightly from a year ago, to 28 pounds. Dr. P said she was not concerned, and she attributed the increase to "one pound of rock-solid muscle."

Ayatollah Mugsy declined to comment, but an aide said the results of the checkup were great news for the faithful.

"The doctors once again have found the ayatollah fit for duty and have every reason to expect that he will remain so for the foreseeable future," said Ari Fleischer, Mugsy's press secretary.

Fleischer said the ayatollah was celebrating the good news by chewing on a large rawhide bone.

Beth Adams, a veterinary assistant at the clinic, said she was honored to be able to take part in the exam.

"Just being in his presence was a wonderful thing," she said. "I feel so much better about the future of planet Earth, knowing that His Holiness is healthy and able to lead us onward."

Visibly swooning, Adams also referred to the ayatollah as "a paragon of virility," despite his 2001 neutering.

Mugsy is the supreme ayatollah of Pug Life Ministries, a shadowy group that claims millions of dogs and humans as members, as well as several cats, a turtle, a donkey, a sock monkey and a rocking horse. The group lists among its goals the establishment of an autonomous pug homeland in the American Southwest. Some critics have called the ministry a cult and a for-profit enterprise, but they have seldom been seen or heard from again.


T-man said...

The faithful can rejoice in the good health of our leader!!

Brandi said...

We are very happy to hear of your clean bill of health oh wise one.

Sarah O. said...

Long live Mugsy, paragon of viritiy.

Samantha said...

*bows to mugsy*

Here from Wendy's, but now I think I want to be one of your followers!

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Thank you all.

And thank you, especially, Sarah O. I would like to perpetuate this as my new nickname.

Welcome to the congregation, Samantha.

Kaluah-lu said...

This IS good news!

I take this opportunity to crawl before you, oh, wise one, to humbly ask your forgiveness. It is I who first doubted your teachings as self-proclaimed dogmatic dribble.

Since then, I have wrestled with the dark forces that infect the simpler-minded felines in my household. I can assert that there is no hope for those who do not believe.

I am grateful for your advice, great Ayatollah. I will await your further instruction on the cleansing of Miss Kitty, et al. I will also take great precautions to ensure that there is no butting of heads with the contaminated ones, as you advise. Since you made no mention of it, however, would it be permissible to resume snacking on those tasty treats in the kitty litter box?

Admonishly yours,

fee said...

is this a cult! cool! can i join?

fee from singapore

Sam I Am said...

Sounds like you had a great checkup,woof-woof way to go!!

Lot's of Lick's

Zeus said...

What a relief to know you are in good health, Mugsy! All hail the pug!

rpm said...

Way to go pound of muscle and 27 pounds of pure LOVE!

Bogart said...

Ah, praise be to Allah for the continued health of our fearless leader...


TransplantedOkie said...

Thanks be to God!

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

I would advise against feasting from the litter box, Lulu. It is haraam.

It is a ministry, Fee, and you are most welcome to join. Please do not forget to tithe.

Sarah O. said...

Why, er, thank you, holy one.

Adding to my legacy as the only student ever to get a "C" in typing (yes, my old school has a plaque), I must now deal with my need for eye exercises.

Veritity. Come to think of it, this new word suits you well, your holiness.