Monday, September 25, 2006

Mission accomplished

I have wonderful news to report, my friends. We have freed the hostages -- every last one of them. An elite four-dog ARF commando unit infiltrated the Eugene Animal Shelter before dawn today. The squad was led by Brody the Bulldog, supreme commander of the Armed Revolutionary Forces. Given his lofty title, Brody could have directed the operation from his airborne mobile command center. But because of the gravity of this situation and the deplorable conditions in which the detainees were being held, he opted to take a more paws-on approach. You have already seen some of the humiliating treatment to which the hostages were subjected, but we also had received reports of the use of a modified Kong from which no biscuit particles could be obtained. Because of this torture at the hands of the infidels, I decided that we would deal with the diplomatic ramifications later. These poor canines had to be rescued as soon as possible.

The ARF squad inserted into the theater of operations via the Willamette River, first using an inflatable raft and then dog-paddling the final 800 meters. Once ashore, the commandos stealthily made their way to the pound at the Doggonamo Bay facility. After burrowing under the razor-wire fence, this fearsome foursome slipped into the detention center unnoticed by the shadowy consortium of crooked Pac-10 referees and University of Oregon boosters who were holding our canine brothers captive. What happened inside the pound is classified information, but suffice it to say that the hostages are all now at home with their families. All are reported to be healthy and in good spirits. Before leaving, the commandos made sure to mark the territory for the canine nation. Never again will it be used for such evil purposes. Allahu akbar!


Code name: Bro

Hometown: Los Angeles
Breed: Bulldog
Education: West Point
Specialties: Barking orders, biological weapons,

Code name: Disco

Hometown: Austin
Breed: Pug
Education: U.S. Naval Academy
Specialties: Naval ops, disorienting foes with circular sprinting, medic

Code name: C Dizzle

Hometown: San Diego
Breed: Bulldog
Education: Harvard
Specialties: Covert ops, military policing, charm offensives

Code name: Killer

Hometown: Los Angeles
Breed: Maltese
Education: Ayatollah Mugsy's Youth Indoctrination Camp
Specialties: Demolitions, paw-to-paw combat, heavy machine-gunner


Boomer said...

Praise God everyone is okay! Thank you Mugsy and ARF for risking your lives for the Oregon Five.

Mugsy, may your harem be multiplied and may panties and rawhide rain down from the sky in honor of your brave leadership.

TransplantedOkie said...

The pictures alone should strike terror into the hearts of infidels who might be planning some nefarious activities in the future. Such ruthlessness is seldom captured on film.

Tigersan said...

Me don't mind that the classified info stays secret... just so long as they make a movie about it ;)

Friends of McDougal said...

Ayatollah Mugsy,

I contacted McDougal about the item you requested. He sympathizes with your plight and respects the generous "donation" you will surely make to his presidential campaign upon delivery of the item. However, the unit that was recently sold to the Islamic Republic of Iran was merely a prototype. Currently we are unable to produce another unit due to intense scrutiny by the United Nations Security Council. We are, however, prepared to offer you plans for the device (for novelty purposes only!). Most of the components are off the shelf, but the few parts that are... difficult to locate... will arrive in a separate shipment at a later date. You might want to invest in a crane or a large forklift if you do not already own one. The cases will be quite heavy, as they are lead lined.

Fu Fu said...

Are you playing counter strike?

~ fufu

Sarah O. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sarah O. said...

I cannot believe the horrendous tactics used by the Doggonamo Bay infidels. The use of unstuffed Kongs breaks every treaty known to dog.

Bravo Mugsy and the ARF Commando Team aka The Stike Force!

Kukka-Maria said...

The bulldogs surprised me, but everyone knows those Maltese are diabolical! They sit in their Louis Vuitton bags on their socialite's shoulder, plotting the demise of anyone who crosses thier path.

Death to the Maltese!

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Thank you, friends. Boomer, have you been spying on my dreams?

Kukka-Maria, this is a congregation that respects all canines -- especially those who serve with honor in the ARF. And Braxton is not a handbag dog; he is a fearsome commando.

Friends of McDougal, I will have to check some prices, but I believe your terms are acceptable.

Kukka-Maria said...

My apologies to the Maltese and to you, Ayatollah. I just have deep issues from past terror with purse dogs.

I guess I was just projecting.

Life to the Maltese!

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Much better, Kukka. We must work to build a world free of racism and species-ism.

Joe Stains said...

you guys are my heroes!!!!