Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Bella the bandito

Oh, Sister Bella. Where did you go astray? I cannot bear to write about this. I will instead share this story with you:

CHIHUAHUA, Mexico (Reuters) -- Mexican law enforcement officials convened a special meeting Tuesday aimed at stopping the criminal spree of El Terror Minúsculo.

The Chihuahua, whose Spanish name means "the tiny terror," has led a team of thugs on a two-week rampage through the Mexican countryside. She was last spotted about five miles south of Chihuahua, where she torched a barn Monday and then yapped incessantly for three hours straight.

Federal agents have scoured the region in search of El Terror Minúsculo, but residents have been reluctant to offer any information out of fear that the bandito and her gang would retaliate.

Villagers in Villa Matamoras say that the Chihuahua recently kept them up all night with her horrific yapping.

"It was terrifying," said one woman, who asked to remain anonymous. Her ankles were ringed with bite marks. "It was never-ending. I prayed that God would strike me down, to ease the pain in my ears."

One official with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that El Terror Minúsculo is aligned with a major drug cartel.

"She's ruthless," the official said. "Those teeth are tiny, but they're sharp as a tack."

U.S. officials believe El Terror Minúsculo was formerly a nun with the Order of the Sacred Chihuahua, a division of Pug Life Ministries. Representatives of Pug Life declined to comment, but they confirmed that Sister Bella, the prime suspect in the Mexican marauding, had been excommunicated and forced to leave her convent on Jan. 6.


JMG said...

Poor Bella. I hope that Pug Life has some sort of prison ministry or rehab program to help people like Sister Bella. Assuming, of course, that she wants help.

James Beauregard DaPug said...

Mama says Sister Bella's picture brought back a flood of memories of a precious little chihuahua her family owned years ago. Bella is the spitting image of the late, great, Mexican mini-mite Chico, who Mama says also needed some kind of professional help.

Chico's problem was pretty much just the opposite of Sister Bella's though, he was a lover...
of everything...particularly one shaggy blue bathroom rug!!

I think Sister Bella is rather attractive. She probably wouldn't find me interesting but one never knows without introducing oneself, does one? There just aren't any exciting women in my life these days. Would you mind telling Sister Bella that I am an astronaut and ask what her sign is? That's the way I pick-up chicks.



Boomer said...

I think we need to call in Brody the Bulldog for protection.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

JMG, I have prepared a reprogramming regimen for Sister Bella. But first we have to catch her -- before the federales get to her.

James Beauregard, as your spiritual adviser, I must strongly urge you not to get involved with Bella.

Fear not, Boomer, I have recently mastered what I like to call the "Chihuahua pin." I can handle Bella.