Greetings, fellow creatures of Allah. I have begun to make preparations for a great meeting of the minds. This weekend, my schnauzer friend Rabbi Jake is coming to Texas. I have known Rabbi Jake since he was a young pup, and I am looking forward to visiting with him again. But it will not be all fun and games. No, we will have serious work to do: Rabbi Jake and I are hosting a two-day forum on Mideast peace. And my optimism is as boundless as rawhide is delicious. You see, Jake and I did not get along so well when we were younger. Anytime I would enter his house, he would yap with unrelenting and ear-splitting fury. But as Jake has aged and mellowed, I believe that he has come to appreciate my pugly qualities. He now enjoys (or at least tolerates) the soothing sounds of my breathing. If the two of us -- a Jewish schnauzer and a Muslim pug -- can find friendship, then, God willing, the Israelis and Palestinians can forge a lasting peace.
Though Rabbi Jake and I will be moderating the discussions, we will not be alone. Ariel Sharon's German shepherd will attend, as will Mahmoud Abbas' miniature pinscher. And Shimon Peres' pug, Shlomo, will be a special guest speaker. I have heard Shlomo bark, and I promise you, it is something to behold. Hamas and Islamic Jihad are boycotting (big surprise), but that's OK. They aren't much fun to hang around with anyway. And I always feel like I have to hide the valuables when they come over.