Mugsy takes Manhattan

I have returned from New York with much to share -- travel photos, souvenirs, possible news of an exciting and well-deserved boycott. But first, I will turn to the issue that took me to New York: the push for Pugistan. I know you have all been waiting for details with baited, rawhide-scented breath, so here is a brief recap.

I strode to the U.N. headquarters in Manhattan. Out in front, the flags of 191 nations billowed in the stiff East River breeze. My goal was to add No. 192. I walked past the crowd of tourists to the VIP (Very Important Pug) entrance. Security was tight on this momentous day. After running my collar and turban through the X-ray machine, I passed through the metal detector and entered the complex, where I was greeted by Secretary-General Kofi Annan. He took me to a private room, where I looked over my speech one last time. My big moment awaited.

Ninety minutes later, the U.N. General Assembly fell silent. My mother led me to the stage and tied my leash to the lectern. It was now or never. I made an impassioned appeal for support. I told the assembled nations of the plight of millions of disenfranchised canines, of our manifest destiny to finally claim the territory that our forefathers had marked. I asked for their support on humanitarian, economic and religious grounds. But I made it clear that Pugistan would become a reality with or without the backing of the international community. "You are either with us or against us!" I barked. All eyes were fixed upon me as I banged my mother's shoe on the lectern three times for emphasis. These diplomats could see that I meant business. And then, in one final symbolic show of strength, I ate the shoe.