Big love to give

I was watching the HBO show Big Love a few hours ago, and I was struck by just how little our great nation has accomplished in terms of civil rights. Here is this poor, fictional Mormon man, married with children. Then married twice more with children. And because of our legal system, he is forced to hide his polygamist ways. How sad it is that he is not allowed to legally marry all three of his soulmates. In a nation that supposedly believes in religious freedom, this strikes me as awfully intolerant. Many Mormons believe in the sanctity of plural marriage, as do many of my fellow Muslims. It is generally accepted that the Quran allows a male to have up to four wives, provided he is able to care for all of them adequately. And frankly, I believe there is a bit of wiggle room on that four-wife limit, especially for an esteemed pug such as myself.

Now, I am not saying that I am ready to settle down and take a wife or four. I am still a young pug, and my ministry, harem and chew toys keep me fully occupied. But it would truly be a shame if only one lovely lady were someday able to join me in holy matrimony. Would it not be cruel to force the second-, third- and fourth-place finishers to settle for a lesser man when they could marry a real-life ayatollah? And this is to say nothing of their families. Imagine the pride that a father would feel having me as a pug-in-law. He could feel secure, knowing that I would use his substantial dowry to provide for all of his daughter's needs. Call me a romantic, but I believe it's time to change these unfair laws.