Saturday, April 15, 2006
Holding down the fort
My intelligence operatives have detected some disturbing "chatter" over the last 24 hours. It seems that certain groups are hoping to take advantage of my absence while I am in New York. Did they really think I would leave my estate unguarded? And did they think I was kidding when I defended my domestic surveillance program? Although I could have let these infidels find out the hard way -- by nursing a pair of puncture wounds on their backsides -- I am a merciful pug. So I will tell you about Cleveland. This brave lieutenant in the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF) has volunteered to patrol the grounds of the ayatollah compound while I am away. His highly trained sniffer can detect burglars or U.N. nuclear inspectors from 500 yards away. And just look at his face: Even with a bow on his head, it is clear that he means business. Believe me, infidels, you do not want to cross Lt. Cleveland. He is a true patriot for the canine cause who made his bones fighting alongside Supreme Commander Brody in the Phat Dog Down conflict. Consider yourselves warned.