Thursday, March 30, 2006

Mugsy stepping down as ayatollah

Friends, I come to you today to announce a momentous career change. I am hereby stepping down as supreme ayatollah of Pug Life Ministries to focus full-time on my pursuit of a professional bowling career. This has been a dream of mine for several weeks, so I hope you will all understand why I have made this difficult decision. It is true that I have a long way to go to realize my dream of competing in -- and winning -- Professional Bowlers Association-sanctioned events. In truth, I have yet to finish a game without those inflatable bumpers blocking the gutters. For a 27-pound pug to roll a 12-pound ball down the lane with any accuracy is no easy task. But I am dedicated, and I have faith. I have overcome much in my life -- being given up by my mother, a puppyhood in the hardscrabble Dallas ghetto, a criminal past, a crippling panty addiction. Each time one of these problems popped up, I knocked it down -- just as I intend to knock down those 10 pins, frame after frame after frame.

For those of you who have grown accustomed to visiting this site to find answers to your problems and fatwas to guide you in your day-to-day life, this may seem like bad news. I apologize for leaving you in a spiritual lurch. Henceforth, this blog will chronicle my attempt to break into the professional bowling circuit. It will include scores, interesting bowling links and perhaps an occasional bowling tip. But for spiritual guidance, you will have to look elsewhere. I hope you will support me as I embark on this exciting new chapter in my life.


rpm said...

WE look forward to your new career in bowling...never thought of you as a sports-minded man. But I think you need to take up a cause part time out there in Dallas...controlling the crazy cheerleaders and even worse their Carroll High School..gee whiz.

Leslee said...

So does that mean you're not going to take my Peanut for training?

I wish you lots of luck in your new career.

Boomer said...

Say it aint so!

Brody the Bulldog said...

In honor of the many gifts that Mugsy has bestowed upon all of dog-kind during his tenure as Ayatollah, I'd like to dedicate this monument to Ayatollah Mugsy as a symbol of his greatness.

The Armed Revolutionary Forces wish you the best.
We are confident that your concentration and wizard-like control will score you many 'turkeys'. Your eventual induction into the bowling hall of fame will be yet another great moment in canine history.

Your pal,
Brody the Bulldog

Anonymous said...

It is not too late to reconsider your true calling as a great spiritual leader. Recently I read a story about a pug that was hit by a car. The owners had decided that the pug would have to be put down since they could not afford the $3,000 for surgery. The owner wrote about her problem on a web site and the donations came rolling in. I was sure that the Pug Ministries had something to do with saving that pug.
Bowling is great, but couldn't it be a hobby. We would miss your guidance greatly. Sincerely, Rabbi Jake

Anonymous said...

I suggest you get to the local video store and rent "Kingpin." This Farrelly Brothers movie clearly details what is wrong with the professional bowling tour.

Randy Quaid plays a religious man who attempts to become a professional bowler. This is certainly a precautionary tale and I would suggest that you consider it carefully before it is too late.

Rabbi Jake's Dad

Tyler said...

Ah, you sneaky ayatollah!