An Army dog handler was sentenced Wednesday to six months behind bars for his role in the Abu Ghraib prison scandal in Iraq. Prosecutors say Sgt. Michael J. Smith used his snarling Belgian shepherd to frighten prisoners. While the liberal media elites and the vast right-wing conspiracy have made much ado about Sgt. Smith's case, little mention has been made of the canine at the center of this scandal. I have just returned from the court-martial of this brave canine, where he was declared innocent on all charges. As his defense attorney, I argued that Killer the Belgian shepherd was just following orders. And with the evidence and Allah on our side, Killer was vindicated. He will now receive an honorable discharge and plans to join the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF).
While Killer's military training will undoubtedly benefit the ARF, he will not be called upon to guard or intimidate any more prisoners. Why? BECAUSE THE ARF TAKES NO PRISONERS! (If we did, you see, we'd have to share our food with them.)