Friday, June 13, 2008

Naval exercises grow

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Armed Revolutionary Forces ratcheted up its show of naval might early Friday, with dozens of submarines surfacing off the coastlines of each of the world's continents.

Pentagon and independent military analysts alike expressed shock over the immense size of the canine-helmed fleet, which before this week had been thought to consist of just two pugs, a rubber ducky chew toy and an inflatable raft. Even more disturbing, Pentagon officials said, was the growing interspecies cooperation on display.

"Ayatollah Mugsy, the ARF's spiritual leader, seems to have tapped into the zeitgeist of the animal kingdom," said Doug Jones of the RAND Corp., a nonprofit research organization.

Off the Irish coast, Labrador retrievers conducted joint exercises with a pod of dolphins. Witnesses said the dolphins appeared to have missiles mounted on their fins, and analysts suspected they had defected from a top-secret U.S. Navy program because of the ARF's superior food rations.

Half a world away, a clan of barking sea lions set up a naval blockade near the Golden Gate Bridge. The marine mammals, which swore allegiance to Ayatollah Mugsy last fall, were boarding and searching all ships entering and exiting San Francisco Bay.

The ayatollah reportedly set the naval exercises in motion in response to public comments that were deemed a threat to his Pug Life Ministries. "This show of force seems to be having the desired effect," said the RAND Corp.'s Jones. "I suspect that any human would think twice before challenging the ayatollah's authority."

9 comments:

sarah s. said...

Wow! How impressive!

However, I'm sure the two pugs with their rubber ducky and inflatable raft could have handled the job.

Lucy said...

Mugsy, what is happening that is causing you to unleash your hordes? Is this a pre-emptive strike of some kind or are you just trying to flex your muscle?

Sarah O. said...

I'm pleased to see the new recruits can swim. I mean, pugs don't appear to be built for the water. Please correct me if I'm in error here.

Bogart said...

Oh great Ayatollah, I have been remiss in reading your missives of late. I am pleased to see that the Ministry marches on...

Love,
Bogart

PS - I too am built for water if the Ministry needs me...

JT said...

Pugistan ├╝ber alles!

Nevis said...

Impressive!

And I love the word zeitgeist. You don't get to use it very often.

Eagle The Pug said...

I have good news, Mugsy. My young pug brother Flyer is now almost as skilled of a swimmer as I am. He is awaiting his ARF Navy recruitment pitch.

Quasi said...

How can I sign up for ARF and help promote animal world domination?

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Two pugs are formidable, Sarah S. But 100,000 canines, backed by their allies in the animal kingdom, are unstoppable.

We are just conducting peaceful exercises, Lucy. To send a message ... of peace ...

You would be surprised by the swimming prowess of some pugs, Sarah O. But the water is not for me.

We'll be sending a recruiter to see you, Bogart.

Yes, JT! I like your fire.

This is true, Nevis. It is not often that a humble ayatollah pug captures the zeitgeist of the entire animal kingdom.

Excellent news, Eagle. My brother Wendell seems to be a waterpug as well, though we have not yet taken him to swim.

Your presence is enough, Quasi. Though donations are accepted, too.