Big decision

After much careful consideration, I have decided to lift the Armed Revolutionary Forces' (ARF) controversial "don't ask, don't smell" policy. Given canines' natural greeting tendencies, it had become too difficult to enforce. The change takes effect immediately, so feel free to sniff away, troops. 

Show of force

ABOARD THE HMS GREYHOUND, Gulf of Mexico (AP) -- The world's largest interfaith, interspecies ministry flexed its naval muscles Thursday in a massive show of force off the Texas coast.

Members of the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF) naval branch engaged in exercises across a broad swath of the Gulf of Mexico, with upwards of 8,000 seadogs taking part. The ARF is the military wing of Pug Life Ministries, led by the enigmatic Ayatollah Mugsy.

The exercises included artillery bombardment, torpedo targeting and a scuba demonstration by the elite special-operations Chihuahua Force. Details on the Chihuahua Force are sketchy, but its members are rumored to be experts in dog-paddling and underwater demolitions, as well as highly trained assassins.

The show of force is believed to be the result of a heightened alert level at the ministry, whose leader has at times been called insular and paranoid. Officials at Ayatollah Mugsy's office declined to comment.

The U.S. Navy scrambled F/A-18 fighter jets in response to the ARF naval exercises, but Navy officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said they wanted to make sure the situation did not escalate.

"So far, these dogs are just engaging in training exercises," said one high-ranking admiral. "The last thing we want to do is provoke them."

Code red!

We have a possible emergency on our paws, my flock. It appears that Tigersan, everyone's favorite Chihuahua from Okinawa, may have been dognapped. I have raised the collective hackles of the ministry to code red, and the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF) are preparing a rescue mission. If we can just locate Tigersan, I'm confident that Wendell can chew through the shackles in no time.

A Memorial Day message

Hi, everybody. Mallard here. The ayatollah is busy visiting the Kong of the Unknown Shih-tzu, so he asked me to relay a special Memorial Day message from him. Here it is:

As Pug Life Ministries moves ever closer to its goal of establishing a utopian canine society, it is important to remember who makes it all possible. Without the troops of the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF), our freedoms would vanish at the first sign of aggression. Without their bravery, we would all be living under the harsh regime of the infidel Blue Bull, deprived of our rawhide and the rule of Sharia law. So if you see a soldier, give him a pat and a bone -- even a handshake, if his trick repertoire is that advanced. And thank him for all that he's done. Brave soldiers of the ARF, I salute you.

Let me second the ayatollah's moving tribute to our fighting men and women. Oh, and if anyone sees the Unknown Shih-tzu, tell him that Mugsy was just keeping the Kong warm for him and that he knows nothing about any missing biscuits.