Monday, April 02, 2007

Mugsy victimized by unjust regime

It was a rude awakening, to say the least. As visions of Italian Milkbone Biscottis danced in my velvety, slumbering head, my mother threw open the door to the bedroom. "They cut off our water!" she exclaimed, the indignation heavy in her voice. "What?" I replied, yawning widely. "The city put a sign out in our yard and turned off our sprinkler water!" she said.

How could this be? I am a law-abiding pug. The city last spring enacted watering restrictions -- only once a week on trash day -- and I follow them to the letter. I would never dream of breaking the rules and over-watering. As anyone who has seen my back yard would attest, I have weeds that grow 15 inches high between their weekly mow. They certainly do not need any additional water.

And yet planted in my yard is a red sign detailing my alleged infraction at 6:42 this morning. This scarlet letter is meant to serve as a badge of shame -- it insists that it remain there for all the neighborhood to see, only to be removed by city personnel. It also bears the address of a house down the street.

Perplexed by this turn of events, I went to the garage to check the controls for my in-ground sprinklers, which once doubled as a fine security system to deal with snooping nuclear inspectors. I opened the panel and scrolled through the various days of the week. For each day, the system was set to "on." The result of a power surge, perhaps? I seem to recall the system resetting itself in this manner after the power went out a year or so ago. So I can only assume that my sprinklers were, indeed, on this morning. But as Allah well knows, it was certainly not my fault. Shouldn't the city place a phone call or issue a warning of some kind before it shuts off one's water? Is this any way to treat a law-abiding, tax-paying pug? Am I not a pillar of the community?!?!

This is simply not right. And so I am organizing a protest march. We will take our righteous rage over this injustice straight to City Hall. I will recruit the most raucous, unruly canines I can find. Chihuahuas, even. God willing, we will make the Code Enforcement Department wish it had never dared to defile my yard with its silly sign and its extortionistic fine. We will shout loud slogans, clash with police and make a spectacle the likes of which this sleepy suburb has never seen. And then, when the police haul out their firehoses to disperse the crowd, the hypocrisy of the city's corrupt regime shall be revealed for all to see.

11 comments:

TransplantedOkie said...

I am already collecting funds for bail....

Sarah O. said...

Chihuahuas?!?

Whoa, ayatollah. Find your inner peace.

May I suggest starting your assault with an overly friendly chocolate lab, such as my Ria? She is excellent at knocking unwelcome parties to the pavement, but in a way that lets them know that they have been issued a friendly yet firm warning.

If our doggie who loves too much doesn't do the trick, THEN you should consider pirrahna-like chihuahuas.

Eagle The Pug said...

Mugsy, perhaps this is tied into the charges of tax evasion that were brought against you last week?

Leslee said...

I've contributed to transplantedokie's bail fund.

Anonymous said...

*throws a fiver in for the bail money* AIne

rpm said...

I have seen this very same disgrace brought on by ugly neighbors...the very ones who run their sprinklers by dark of night so no one will see...then they like to call the water cops on people who have their own well system that does not come from the public water utitlities...they are just jealous because they can't run their system whenever they want to. Just get your mom to move the sign next door.

James Beauregard daPug said...

This is indeed a sad commentary...we all know what happens to the innocent once city bureaucracy gets your name - the next thing you know you're blacklisted as a terrorist at airline ticket counters and your income tax reports are audited for the rest of your natural life. Read Eagle's post, he knows!

You know old Dantepugs at PV. Some evildoer stole his city-issued garbage can and it was hell to pay, let me tell you! You'd think the city would understand and perhaps support the victim whose garbage can is stolen from the curb, but no sir!! Dante couldn't even buy a new garbage can and he couldn't put his garbage out in any other kind of a garbage can.

I don't know, Bro. Mugsy, these people are going to make your life hell from now on. I think I'd move. Shoot, move somewhere where it rains.

J. B.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Thank you, TransplantedOkie. I appreciate your foresight.

Ria sounds perfect; can you send her to Texas, Sarah O.?

I don't think so, Eagle. The charges were all dropped after I had the eight prosec -- er, I mean after the eight prosecutors were fired through no action of my own.

Your generosity will someday be repaid tenfold, Leslee and Aine.

That would help with the potential neighborhood embarrassment, RPM, but only the city can turn the compound's water on again.

I will pass your advice on to mother and father, James Beauregard. Though I have chosen a location on nearby Rawhide Court for the Dogloo Mosque, perhaps it would be best to look around some more. Maybe Seattle or London would like to offer some incentive to gain my favor. But too much precipitation, that would not be very conducive to pugging, would it? I try to avoid the rain at all costs.

Pappy's Fella said...

Time to start throwing Malotov water-dishes.

James Beauregard daPug said...

Guess what, Bro. Mugsy? This doesn't have anything to do with the rain ban (or maybe it does), but we're already seeing the little Mediterranean geckos on the patio. You remember? The little lizard who invaded your space last summer.

Those little buddies seldom appear before mid-summer at the earliest.

I hope the geckos aren't heralding a particularly hot, dry summer. If I were you, I'd think about London! What if things get so bad a pug like yourself can't even water his petunias on the day the garbage is picked up?

J. B.

James Beauregard daPug said...

Guess what, Bro. Mugsy? This doesn't have anything to do with the watering ban (or maybe it does), but we're already seeing the little Mediterranean geckos on the patio. You remember? The little lizard who invaded your space last summer.

Those little buddies seldom appear before mid-summer at the earliest.

I hope the geckos aren't heralding a particularly hot, dry summer. If I were you, I'd think about London! What if things get so bad a pug like yourself can't even water his petunias on the day the garbage is picked up?

J. B.