Our fight for canine rights produced some heartening results this week, my enlightened flock. Hot on the heels of news that more and more firefighters are carrying oxygen masks for pets -- a prudent move, in this ayatollah's always-humble opinion -- came a landmark decision in Dallas. The City Council, best known for childish bickering and its ability to make race the central focus of any discussion, finally got something right. Dallas food establishments can now take steps to legally allow dogs on their property. Having a keen interest in food and all things food-related, I have made this one of my pet projects. And so I am most pleased to see my dreams come to fruition. Never again will I dine on a Deep Ellum restaurant patio illegally, in danger of losing my freedom at any second. Praise Allah! I am getting hungry just thinking about it.
But we cannot stop there. Canines are still treated like second-class citizens in far too many areas. So I call on the Dallas City Council to go even further. We canines want to be allowed in all stores, with the exception of Wal-Mart, which the humans can keep for themselves. We want puppy classes to be subsidized by tax dollars, just like public schools for humans. And we demand full voting rights. Make it happen.