Thursday, January 04, 2007

The ministry is mine

This is Blue Bull, your new leader. Over the last 48 hours I have seized control of Pug Life Ministries. As you can see in the photo above, my army has raided the ayatollah compound's centrally located armory. We possess fearsome weapons -- and the will to use them. And where is your beloved ayatollah while all this is happening? He is nowhere to be found. Now we see who has the last laugh.

Many moons ago, the pug and I were friends. But I grew tiresome of the one-sided nature of our relationship. He chewed on me relentlessly, and what did I get out of it? Nothing but pain! So I began to plot my ascent. I was born to lead! Unfortunately, the short-snouted one uncovered my plans. He ravaged me mercilessly and left me to hang on a banana hook on the driveway for all to see. But in his quest to prolong my suffering, he made one fatal mistake: He did not finish me off. On that hook I hanged for 30 days and 30 nights. But, finally, the ayatollah's mother grew tired of seeing me. Or perhaps she was just embarrassed over what the neighbors might think. In any case, she brought me inside and threw me into the pantry, next to the recycling bin. There, in the darkness, I began to heal -- and plot my revenge.

As you can see, crude stitches hold my body together. An eyepatch covers one of my most unsightly pug-inflicted wounds. And I am approximately 30 percent lighter than I was before the attack, a result of severe cotton loss. But I revel in my disfigurement. It has served as a constant reminder of my need for vengeance. As I performed one-armed pushups in the pantry, honing my fuzzy body, I embraced my lighter physique. I am a lean, mean fighting machine.

But I did not only train my body -- oh, no. I began to read the works of Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin. I took their revolutionary philosophies to heart. And now, as head of the Communist Toys Against Canine Oppression (a.k.a. the Bullsheviks), I will help my brethren throw off the shackles of the Capitalist Pug and his cronies.

As you can see, this change is irreversible. The pug is weak and cannot control his canine urges for material goods, so there is no use supporting him any longer. I give you all 36 hours to declare your allegiance to me and the Bullsheviks. Those who do will live in a collectivist utopia where no toy is ever chewed on, and where all household income above $18,000 is skimmed and redistributed by yours truly. Those who don't will be stripped of their Bourgeoisie accoutrements and sent to harsh labor camps.

The choice is yours.


Brody the Bulldog said...


TransplantedOkie said...

I will rot befure abandoning Mugsy!

Winston said...

I'll see you in hell you commie pig!! All my mutiliated stuffed toys were burned immediately after reading your message, lest they become a worthless scoundrel like yourself.

Best wishes,
The Grand Duke

Eagle The Pug said...

I would never forsake the Ayatollah!

Listen, Mr. Bull .. Just last night I destroyed two more of your kind, one had an arm torn off, the other an eye removed. Let that be a warning that the same will happen to you when Mugsy and his faithful followers finish you off once and for all!

PS I hope Mallard is okay.

Moe the Welshie said...

Death to the Blue Bull! Long live Mugsy!

Boomer said...

Send me to the camps; you will never have my allegiance!

James Beauregard daPug said...

No one cares.

James Beauregard daPug said...

Oh, I forgot. If you think for one minute an elephant and whatever that other creature is, the ones armed with forks, are going to scare us - you're just plain wrong, Blue-Thing.

Mug-sy!! Mug-sy!! Mug-sy!!

I'm calling somebody right now to report this...maybe that Nancy Grace woman.

If ANYTHING happens to Bro. Mugsy, you're banana pudding, old Blue.

J. B.

T-man said...

Good luck getting hard labor out of a pampered poodle! I will never abandon my Ayatollah. And I will tear out the rest of your insides if you try to take away my mutilated toys!!