Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Mugsy steps down as ayatollah

This is Mallard, Ayatollah Mugsy's aide-de-camp and favorite chew toy. As some of you have probably already heard, the ayatollah stepped down this morning as head of Pug Life Ministries. I'm in shock, as you probably are, too. I asked him if he wanted to address you on the blog, and he said, "No, my work with the ministry is finished. I will never blog again." So this is a sad, sad day. Here's the full text of his resignation speech, in case you didn't catch it on CNN:

In the last few days I have begun to atone for my private failings with my close advisers, the ladies of my harem and my entire family. The remorse I feel will always be with me. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for the love and compassion they have shown me. From those to whom much is given, much is expected. I have been given much: the love of my family, the faith and trust of the congregation of Pug Life Ministries, and the chance to lead the glorious nation of Pugistan. I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me. To every canine, and to all those who believed in what I tried to stand for, I sincerely apologize for a series of unspecified actions, which I will not go into now.

Over the course of my public life, I have insisted, I believe correctly, that people and canines -- and, to a lesser extent, felines -- regardless of their faith, position or power, take responsibility for their conduct. I can and will ask no less of myself. For this reason, I am resigning from the office of ayatollah. As you can see on the crestfallen faces of all the concubines gathered here on stage with me, I have done a bad, bad thing. So I have much to atone for.

I go forward with the belief, as others have said, that as Allah's creatures, our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. As I leave the ministry, I will first do what I need to do to help and heal myself and my family. Then I will try once again, outside of public life, to serve the common good and to move toward the ideals and solutions which I believe can build a future of hope and opportunity for us and for our puppies. Perhaps I will resurrect my music career, or maybe I will pursue my long-held dream of being a plumber. Given the legendarily attractive
backside of my breed, I would no doubt have a leg up on any humans within the plumbing field.

I hope all of the congregation will take part in the upcoming free and democratic elections to choose my successor, but in the meantime, I have named my loyal aide Mallard as interim ayatollah. At this very moment, he is reading the Cliff's Notes for the Quran to prepare for the task ahead. Farewell, and may peace and rawhide be upon you all.

13 comments:

Nan and B.A.G.S. the pug said...

*cries uncontrollably so much so we collectively can not spell*

We concubines will not let you GO my HUSBAND! PLEASE COME BACK!!!!

Aine...

mindy said...

elliott spitzer? is that you?

Benjamin said...

Nice try Mugsy,let me say it for you, APRIL FOOLS!!!

Anonymous said...

Please say it isn't true, Mugsy. Rabbi Jake

Sarah S. said...

Ayatollah Mugsy! Please say Benjamin is right!!!

rpm said...

You can't leave us now...in the midst of elections for the humans. we need your advice.

Sarah O. said...

I've fallen for SO many April's fools jokes today. I actually fell for this one too until Ria reminded me that that she'd loose all respect for me if I bought into one more joke.

TELL ME IT'S A JOKE, PLEASE!

Anonymous said...

I seriously hope its an april fools day joke. You stepping down as ayatollah is unacceptable...

Z

Boomer and his mom Carol said...

April Fools!!! (I hope!)

JMG said...

Considering that last year (or was it the previous) you were going to step down to become a professional bowler, I am inclined to believe that this too is an April Fool prank.

Nevis said...

Ha ha ha. Very funny! A duck could never do for an Ayatollah!

Eagle, Ranger, and Flyer's mom said...

Happy Birthday! :)

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Congratulations to those of you who figured out it was an April Fool's joke. To the rest of you, I apologize on Mallard's behalf for any trauma this may have caused.

Thanks, Eagle, Ranger and Flyer's Mom!