TELETHON: Special announcement

In a few moments, I will be turning the lectern over to my good friend and business associate Pope Pius Pug. I have heard from more than a few conspiracy theorists that the pontiff and I never seem to appear in the same place at the same time, so I was thrilled when he accepted my invitation to appear at the telethon today. At last, we could put some silly rumors to rest. Unfortunately, the pope's travel plans hit a snag, and he was unable to leave the Vatican. So he will be joining us via satellite. During this time, I will be out on my daily constitutional, making sure all the neighborhood mailboxes are properly marked. So please give the pope a warm welcome when he arrives.