Saturday, December 16, 2006

Details emerge

Mallard here. I've been going back and forth over whether to post this. I can't get ahold of the ayatollah to get his approval. But I figure he'd be OK with it; he did give me his Blogger password. I know I'm interested in hearing all the info I can on his condition, so I figure you would be, too. So here's this story I found:

DALLAS -- (NYT) The canine religious community was reeling Friday after news broke that Ayatollah Mugsy, the charismatic leader of Pug Life Ministries, had checked into an undisclosed rehab facility.

In a post on his blog, The Ayatollah's Teachings, the pug icon wrote that he was seeking treatment for substance abuse.

According to a source within the ministry, the substance in question is women's undergarments.

"Mugsy's wrestled in the past with these demons," said the source, who asked to remain anonymous. "Before he found Allah, he was a well-known pantyhound. He even did time in the pound because of it."

The ayatollah chronicled his battle with underwear chewing in his official autobiography. In
Chapter IV, he wrote about his harrowing descent into addiction, describing himself as "a junkie, pure and simple." The cleric, formerly a platinum-selling recording star, said his fame gave him unfettered access to undergarments. "I was like a slightly less wrinkly Tom Jones," he wrote. "Every night, women would fling their panties onto the stage."

In Chapters V and VI, Mugsy detailed how his addiction led him to commit large-scale panty larceny during a Mary Kay Cosmetics convention in Dallas. He was convicted and served time for the offense.

Representatives of Mary Kay declined to comment.

A mailing from Victoria's Secret offering a free pair of panties may have contributed to the mullah's relapse, quacked another source at the ministry, on the condition of anonymity.

"I guess he had been under a lot of stress anyway, as the spiritual adviser to millions. Well, then he saw that postcard, and he just snapped," the source said. "The next thing I knew, he was burrowing through the laundry pile, salivating, wildly looking for something to chew."


Other celebrities who have battled undergarment addiction include Robin Williams, James Carville and Dr. Laura.

6 comments:

James Beauregard daPug said...

Mama is nuttier a fruitcake, Bro. Mugsy, but maybe you'll appreciate this. Last week she bought five pair of $1.00 pantyhose at the "Everythings a Dollar" store for a game she intends to inflict on the family Christmas Eve. It's called The Reindeer's Antlers.

The family (thankfully many members are young) will be divided into teams. The object is to see which team can blow-up the most balloons, stuff them into the pantyhose, and then wear the idiotic faux-antlers like a hat.

Personally, I'm just gonna' hide and watch. I will say this though. The $1.00 pantyhose are O.K., I think you'd like them.

J. B.

Bogart said...

Wishing the Ayatollah a speedy "recovery" - I think we can all relate on some level to his "problem".

Love,
Bogart

Leslee said...

Thanks for the update, Mallard

Brody the Bulldog said...

Mallard,
Please relay the message to Mugsy that I'm currently launching an aggressive recruiting campaign to beef up security as those who appose the canine revolution may want to undermine his authority during these trying times.

Pippin, the Gentle Pup said...

Women's undergarments? Really, Great One, I would have expected more.

In the spirit of forgiveness, I Christmas tag you (or in your case, maybe El Eid tag is better)

Details at my blog
Pippin

Zeus said...

ROFLMAO...I just realized Kirk Cameron was linked here, and I clicked on it....and then I was meant by the startling revelation that 150,000 people die every minute...people just like you and me....and I started choking, snorting, laughing out loud, and I thought, Could I possibly learn the Way of the Master? Could I harness it and power it for better things in life?

Wow...everyone needs to click on that and just see it once. I don't think I'm going to stop laughing any time soon. So much for Growing Pains....