Some of you may have heard about a little "incident" that occurred last night. Rather than let the innuendo swirl, I would like to set the record straight. Yes, Bella the Chihuahua escaped from her holding cell briefly. And yes, there was a rather grisly attack. She savagely assaulted a neighbor, who required a medium-sized Band-aid on his ankle. Thank Allah, he is a supporter of Pug Life Ministries and agreed not to press charges.
It has become apparent that Bella cannot be rehabilitated through conventional means. But something must be done. This cannot continue. Her violent acts besmirch the reputation of all canines -- except in the instances in which she is mistaken for a rodent. In any case, I am formulating a plan. God willing, I will purge these violent tendencies from Bella -- or die trying.