Monday, August 28, 2006

The Exorcism of Bella Rose: Part II

The first part of this true story is in the post directly below this one.

After her violent outburst, Bella collapsed on the bed. It seemed the demon had granted her a momentary reprieve. I put my ear on Pope Pius Pug's chest to check for vital signs, but I heard no pulse. The leader of the world's 1 billion Catholic canines was teetering on the brink -- or perhaps he had already passed the point of no return. "Noooooooo!" I cried. The pontiff was too beloved, too brilliant, too incredibly good-looking to pass away now. I knew that there was only one hope to bring him back. Though I had never performed the laying on of tongues ritual on a dog, it was the pope's only chance for survival.

I pulled up his papal garb and began to vigorously lick his belly button, forever putting to rest the myth that canines have no navel. I paused to check for signs of life, but his tail remained eerily uncurled. "Come on, pope," I exclaimed. "Fight!" I went back to licking, while at the same time praying for the pontiff's recovery. Just then, a glass mosaic went whizzing by my head and crashed into the dresser, exploding in a cloud of tiny shards. I glanced up to see Bella standing on two legs atop the bed's headboard. The lights began to flicker as Bella seemingly gave off some sort of electromagnetic field. She grabbed another mosaic and flung it at me. I twirled around the pope's motionless body, my tongue never breaking stride. This dangerous dance continued for what seemed like an eternity. I channeled my healing power toward the pope while dodging Bella's barrage of lamps, mosaics and other knick-knacks. In one instant, I had to pull the pope aside to keep one of Bella's glassy projectiles from striking him. As I shoved the pope under the bed for safety, I took a deep breath and delivered one giant lick. I felt a shudder, then a heave. The pope began to wheeze. I pressed on, narrowly dodging a picture frame that ricocheted off the wall. The pope began to snort with renewed strength. "Mugsy ....," he said. I put my paw over his mouth. "Save your energy, my friend," I barked, motioning for the humans to take the pope out of the danger zone. "Get this pug a biscuit, stat!" I commanded. "He needs his strength." As the door closed, I knew that the final showdown was at hand.

I leaped onto the bed and caught Bella by surprise, knocking her down. She turned, putting her rear in my face in the famed Chihuahua fighting technique before wheeling and snapping at me with her razor-sharp fangs. I bobbed and weaved like a boxer, the pugilistic skills honed in my puppyhood taking over. As she spun and lashed out at me again, I saw an opening. My paws came crashing down on Bella's back, pinning her to the bed. I held her down with one paw while holding up my sacred bone-shaped amulet with the other. I began to recite a prayer, causing Bella to squeal in agony. Though it pained me to see a canine suffer so, I did not let up. For hour upon hour, I barked the word of Allah. At times she would slip free from my grasp, but never for long. I grabbed her by the tail and flung her back to the center of the bed, where I continued the ancient exorcism ritual. Finally, her mouth opened wide. And what I saw next would forever be etched upon my mind.

It began as a lump in her throat, as if her Adam's apple had become an Adam's melon. With tremendous force, the demon erupted from her mouth. This agent of the devil was a luminescent green, with wide eyes and an incessant, taunting squeak. It lunged at me, and I batted it out of the sky and onto the floor. With reckless abandon, I sent my body hurtling after the demon. I rolled it toward the corner with my spare snout, trapping the demon against the wall. Then my teeth clamped down, puncturing the demon's squeaker in one mighty blow. With a hiss of rushing air, the demon cried out in pain and went hurtling from my mouth. It hovered for a split-second before rocketing through the ceiling, leaving a small hole in the sheetrock. A hint of daylight poured in and illuminated Bella's sleeping body. The poor dog was exhausted. I put my paw on her forehead. "At last, Bella, you have found peace," I barked. And I curled up by her side for a much-needed nap.

10 comments:

Sarah O. said...

BRAVO!!!!

BRAVO!!!!

Boomer said...

My word Musgy, I'm speechless!

Anonymous said...

Oh wise one, you are so brave and fearless!

Anonymous said...

My dear friend,
You are indeed magnificent! Rabbi Jake

Pyrite said...

That was quite an experience you had. Your strenght amazes me and I am sure Bella feels much better now. Kudos on the belly button technique... I am a huge belly button fan from way back.

Zeus said...

You are indeed a hero. Had it not been for the strength of your tongue on the beloved Pope Pius Pug or your determination with Bella, this could have definitely ended differently. Thank goodness you were there, Mugsy.

T-man said...

Way to go!!! That was a scary demon, brrr....

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Thank you all for your kind words. Though my tongue is sore, it stands at the ready to heal again.

Kaluah-lu said...

Extraordinary! It's situations like this that cause us to cast metaphysics to the wind and get the job done. Well done, my friend.

Tell me...have you any suggestions on how to restore Miss Kitty? The humans are completely unaware and chalk it up to the everyday common characteristics of the feline species. I know better, and I tell you there is, most assuredly, grave demonic influence at work.

Nuzzles,
Lulu

Tigersan said...

And then there was light ;)
Nice!