Friday, December 05, 2008

Half-baked plot fails

Greetings, my flock. I have been away from my blog for several days, so I missed the opportunity to update you on a recent attack on ministry assets. Let me now tell you the sordid tale.


It was the day before Thanksgiving. Mother was driving near Dealey Plaza in downtown Dallas, returning to her suburban compound after a long day at work. As she turned to make her way toward the highway, an object slammed onto the windshield of her Toyota. It was a piece of pumpkin pie. Mother slammed on her brakes and looked all around, but no assailant was visible. Shaken, she returned home, leaving the evidence in place until she reached our driveway. I quickly dispatched a forensics team from the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF) to conduct ballistics tests on the pie slice. Although the investigation is ongoing, some of ARF's top experts believe that there may have actually been a second pie thrower, hiding in a grassy knoll near the intersection. But we must wait for all the data to come in to make a final conclusion. God willing, we will bring the pie-wielding conspirator -- or conspirators, as the case may be -- to justice. It has been said that revenge is a dish that is best served cold, and this infidel will surely get his just desserts.




As horrific as this pie attack surely sounds to you, my flock, you must know that I have not yet told you the worst part. For after the forensics testing was completed, and after the pie sat out all night on the windshield, mother removed the evidence and simply tossed it in the garbage can. Without offering me or Wendell a single bite.

8 comments:

jan said...

There was always a second tosser on the grassy knoll.

JMG said...

Are you sure that isn't sweet potato pie? Such a distinction could have a bearing on the case.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

I have consulted with Oliver Stone on the case, Jan.

It looked to me like pumpkin pie, JMG, but I cannot be 100 percent certain, since I was not allowed to taste the evidence.

Mary said...

Whoever did this must pay! It is a crime to treat such a delicious specimen of pie in such a manner! I am confident you will solve this crime.

sarah s. said...

OMG, this is choke-on-your-coffee funny!

On a serious note....why is it the most vicious assaults occur near Dealey Plaza??

Batpug said...

I'm stepping up my patrols near Dealey Plaza, Sarah S. We'll get this perp.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

I like your thirst for vengeance, Mary.

I don't know, Sarah S. But there is now a white 'X' on the street marking the approximate spot where the pie attack took place.

James Beauregard duPug said...

My Mama was victim to a similar attack only the projectile was a small hunk of broken concrete that left quite a ding in the top of my Papa's Ferrari. It's a miracle Mama didn't get killed - a week after she and Papa were victimized another lady was killed in the exact same location, driving beneath a highway overpass.

James Beauregard duPug