I have been unable to blog these last few days, as I was busy putting out diplomatic fires regarding Pugistan's Olympic torch run. So I will give a brief recap to those of you who were not pre-selected by my security apparatus to watch the relay. The torch arrived as planned, and I promptly used it to toast some marshmallows as well as a scrumptious batch of halaal weenies. After dining on marshmallow goo and hot dogs, I passed the torch to my little brother, Wendell. And this is where the relay began to go downhill.
Wendell flew right past the next three runners, essentially sprinting four legs of the relay himself while also setting a handful of bushes on fire. Given his supernatural speed and quickness, the other runners were unable to catch him. Finally, mother coaxed the torch away from Wendell by bartering for a pair of Milkbones. The relay then continued on a somewhat normal schedule for the next hour or so before an overzealous member of the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF) got overly territorial and, to the great displeasure of the Chinese, extinguished the flame.