Along for the ride

I have seen and done many things in my years on this blessed orb. I toured cities large and small as a gangsta rapper, collecting undergarments of all shapes and sizes. I sailed to ports both glorious and grimy with the merchant marines. I worked at a vineyard in Tuscany, stomping grapes until my legs were stained a pleasing shade of lavender. And then, after my jailhouse religious awakening, I took my hajj pilgrimage, where I joined a sea of other white-clad canines in the sacred Stoning of the Devil ritual. For good measure, and to show him who's boss, I left Satan with an eyeful of urine.

Yes, my flock, I have been fortunate to behold many wondrous sights. But until recently, I had never known the singular sensation of having a toad, filled with religious fervor, launch itself onto my head.

It is always nice to know that my teachings have made an impact.