Wednesday, March 28, 2007

A worthy cause

My flock, this man needs our help. Garth Flaherty is being held by police in Washington state on charges of stealing 93 pounds of women's undergarments from apartment laundry rooms. Police say that is as much as 1,500 items, making it the biggest alleged panty heist in years. Naturally, I feel a certain empathy for Flaherty. Police say the 24-year-old told them that he "had a problem." The only problem I see is a society that would jail a man for such a minor offense. Who among us has not thought about absconding with 93 pounds of women's underwear? Back in my gangsta-rapper days, that was but a few hours of chewing entertainment.

And so I intend to take young Garth under my wing. The ministry is accepting donations for his legal defense fund, and your help is urgently needed. If necessary, we will take this case all the way to the Supreme Court. Garth, if you are reading this, please contact me at once. God willing, we will beat this unfair rap.


TransplantedOkie said...

But can he truly be rehabilitated as you were? Does he have what it takes, as you did, to break the scourge of siren call of panties? Not every one is as strong as you are, O Great Pugness.

Anonymous said...

I agree - not everyone is strong as you oh HOly Mugsy. However, I would say - we need to go to the root that is being a P.A. PANTY ADDICT.

Could you please describe to us how you will accomplish his defeat of this panty addiction? Will you give him the "12 pug steps to freeing your panty addition" speech? Or will you give him the a la scientology way (per the very reputiable National Enquirer -SAVE KATIE!) article on 5 hour sauna's?

Do explain. AIne

Ranger The Airedale said...

What an injustice!

Zeus said...

Poor Garth. No one should be punished for inclinations they cannot control. Panty raiding is a very normal, and albeit, natural instinct. So he took 93 lbs. of panties? I consider him a phenom for it.

Let us hope he can be touched by your grace, Mugsy.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Even one as strong as I has his momentary ... lapses, TransplantedOkie.

We must first focus on his legal defense, Aine. Rehabilitation comes later.

Amen, Ranger. Though you are young, you are wise.

Yes, Zeus. A phenom. When you think about it, it really is quite remarkable. Imagine if we could channel that talent in a slightly different direction -- fundraising for the ministry, perhaps. Oh, the possibilities.

LMizzle said...

Man, where does one even try to hide 93 pounds of panties?

I hope they were all clean pairs, otherwise I can't back his cause.