Sunday, March 04, 2007

Relentless

As daylight began to creep through the blinds of my bed chamber, a premonition came to me. My sleep grew fitful as this dark prophecy was revealed. My legs flailed. Then I awoke with a start, the vision complete: My father was soon going to be ill. Such is the burden of my great spiritual awareness. This was terrible news. For when the humans are ill, they slack off in their walking duties. And when I don't get a chance to walk the neighborhood, I don't get to spread my message of peace and rawhide. Nor do I get to leave presents for the rival canine cleric down the street. "No, this would be unacceptable," I thought. "I cannot allow illness to infiltrate the ayatollah compound."

Thus began my quest for Saturday. I sat on father's lap as he watched a basketball game. I was looking for an opening. "Why don't you ever wear midriff-baring shirts?" I barked. "What's that?" he replied. "You want to go outside?"

"Your linguistic shortcomings are appalling," I barked back. Perhaps I would have to wait for another time to reach his navel, where I could deliver my healing saliva.

A few hours later, I caught father in a playful mood. I snapped at his hands and ran circles around him. Then I sprinted to the bedroom, leading him along. I rounded the edge of the bed at breakneck speed, challenging him to try to catch me. Then I saw an opening. I pounced at his midsection, nudging at his shirt. "What are you doing, Mugsy?" he asked, laughing. He pushed me away. But I was not to be denied. Again, I lunged forward, pinning him down with my powerful paws. "It is time for the laying on of tongues ritual," I barked. "Resistance is futile." I began the ritual as my father shrieked in horror. Or perhaps he was just laughing hysterically. My eyes briefly met his. "Don't you ever wash this thing?" I barked, swallowing a piece of lint. Then I finished the ritual and moved on to mother's belly button. True, she was not part of my premonition. But better safe than sorry.

9 comments:

Jasper said...

I sure hope your mystic laying-on-of-tongues worked!!!
Jasper

Sarah S. said...

You are a true healer - mind, body and soul. Speaking of healing, my adopted new friend Hank (courtesy of Kentuckiana Pug Rescue) helped himself to the cat's food and is suffering from severe flatulence. Actually, I don't know how much HE is suffering but his daddy and I are. Any divine intervention you could conjure up would be greatly appreciated.

rabbijake said...

You are a marvelous, loving, generous son. Your parents (human and pug) should be proud.

Zeus said...

I'm curious: Do you have to have the premonition in order for your saliva to charge its healing powers, or can someone already be sick without a premonition on your part and still receive the healing saliva? If the answer is the latter, you need to take this act on tour! You could have a traveling gospel band, invite the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and raise funds for a glorious gathering site for Puglife world ministries.

It's a thought....

Casey said...

Sorry to post this here but I couldn't find an email address.

Ayatollah, can you give me a shout via email and tell me how to contact you?

I don't want to write a long message here in the middle of comments about something else.

Thanks in advance,
Casey@Animal-Internet.com

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

So far, so good, Jasper.

I suggest you learn to live with this fragrant aroma, Sarah S.

Same to you, Rabbi Jake.

No, Zeus, my healing powers will work on any believer. I have occasionally toured the country with my Traveling Revival and Carnival.

I sent you an e-mail, Casey.

Sarah O. said...

I hope all at the Compound (see my response to your location on my blog) are well. I worry when you post too infrequently for my tastes. I figure you're sick or just becoming a very, very bad blogger like me.

My word verification is a very appropriate rrffow.

Cubby said...

You are such a good guy! I hope the people appreciate it!

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Thank you, Cubby.

All is well at the compound, Sarah O.