It has been a while since we made our final offer to Ibrahim Wata -- the African banker who promised me the opportunity of a lifetime via an unsolicited e-mail -- so I feel it is time to give you an update. As you may recall, the congregation voted by a rather wide margin to demand that Mr. Wata send us 500 pounds of rawhide before we would agree to send him our bank account details. This struck me as a risky move at the time, but I followed the wishes of my beloved flock. Here are the next two e-mails in our negotiations:
Dear Ayatollah Mugsy,
Thanks for your last mail. I have heard all what you said, But mind you that this fund has lyied dormant for many years, How due you think that i will send you £500 first? Note that this transaction is not force, if you feel that you are not capable to follow it up, Is better you back out. You just went and exposed this business to your friends, Sorry to inform you that we can not continue.
Ibrahim, wait! I didn't mean 500 pounds as in British currency. With the current exchange rate, that would be absurd. I meant 500 pounds of rawhide, for canines to chew on. Please reconsider your stance. I will breathlessly await your reply.
Pug Life Ministries
We exchanged a few more e-mails after this, but two points became abundantly clear:
1. Mr. Wata was not happy that I had told you about the deal.
2. Mr. Wata was incapable of grasping the concept of rawhide.
So, unfortunately, the deal fell through. Some ayatollahs would undoubtedly feel bitter after coming so close to such a financial windfall and then having it ripped away by the greed of their congregations. Indeed, I had a deal in place that would have netted me millions of dollars. All I had to do was send Mr. Wata my bank account information. But you wanted more. And because my allegiance is to my congregation, I went along with your ill-advised demand for rawhide.
But fear not; I won't hold it against you. I won't blame you for yanking $5 million from my puggy bank. I forgive you, my faithful flock -- you know not what you do. But if you'd like to try to make it up to me, the PayPal virtual offering plate is to your upper right.