As promised, I have decided to honor your many contributions to the ministry. I hereby declare Monday, May 29, 2006, to be Ayatollah Mugsy Readers Day. You are all excused from work* or school on this date so that you can spend time reflecting on your allegiance to me and your dedication to the Pugistan secession movement. This will also give you ample free time to add to my vote total in the World's Hottest Pug contest. Sadly, an adorable upstart has passed me by. Enjoy your upcoming three-day weekend; you've earned it!
* Firefighters, police officers, air-traffic controllers and rawhide deliverymen should first check with their supervisors.