The photos I promised

Last week, I promised to post photos of our canine Valentine's Day party in return for your Valentine's haikus. Unfortunately, we pugs had to leave town unexpectedly last weekend. That left us without access to our computer, and thus, unable to post. But I am a pug of my word. So here, without further adieu, is a brief photo album of our party day.


I meditated with Wendell to prepare him for the upcoming kissing contest. "Focus," I told him. "Let your lips become one with Allah."

The competition was fierce.

Among the competitors was a rabbit, whom Wendell attempted to psych out with his wide-eyed stare.

Unfortunately, Wendell's efforts came up just short. This woman and her little white dog were declared the winners after a long and lusty smooch that made this cleric more than a bit uncomfortable. Notice that they share the same hairdo.

But Wendell continued to practice his craft. "Next time ..." he barked.

And his loss in the kissing contest couldn't spoil our day -- PetCo gave us free canine cookies to decorate. I had planned to list all the members of my harem, but I was told there wasn't enough peanut butter icing.

Mugsy announces contest winners

Happy Valentine's Day, beloved congregants of Pug Life Ministries. As Cupid fires his tasty rawhide arrows, I now present to you the winners of our Valentine's Day Haiku Contest, along with some other notable entries. Thank you to all who submitted poems for this noble endeavor. It was a fine field of entries, and judging was most difficult. The top two finishers may send me their mailing addresses to receive prizes.

FIRST PLACE

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"Ayatollah Pug"

Infidel slayer

Barking the word of Allah

With breath of rawhide

- JMG

SECOND PLACE

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Aloft Texas Winds
Hearts Soar With Admiration
Mugsy So Deserves

- Eagle

HONORABLE MENTION

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Such is the Great Mugs
Faithful will even eat bugs
For the love of Mugs

- Gypsy Rose

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"The Dream"

Pugistan, Rawhide

Nation, led by fierce Mugsy

From his Dogloo mosque

- JMG

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"Justice"

Infidel Blue Bull

Suffered wrath; pug hung him out

On banana hook

- JMG

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"Enlightenment"

Panty raids lead to

Jailtime conversion, pug once

Bad now enlightened

- JMG

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Italian stallion

humping Venus De Milo

Mugsy arrested

- Nevis

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Your heavy breathing
makes you unsuitable for
hide-and-seek, but cute

- Mugsy's Mother

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my brother also
makes a very nice pillow
for afternoon naps

- Wendell

NOT QUITE A HAIKU, BUT STILL WORTHY OF RECOGNITION

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Ayatollah, I have a mole-a.

Only you can heal it.

Stike a pose, wave your wand,

and I shall be whole-a...

- Rusty

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Ayatollah Mugsy sizzles

rain or shine

plentiful rawhide

jessica simpson

in short mini

Great Mugsy the leader

blesses his flock

hot harem

graces the world

leading the way

- Cleveland

Valentine's Day contest

Valentine's Day is fast approaching, my flock. This is always a stressful time for me, with so many of my harem mates angling for my affections. But this year, it is doubly stressful. In addition to the pressures of this pagan holiday, I am facing an impending nomination deadline for the Nobel Peace Prize. This will be my fourth straight year to enter, and this time, God willing, I intend to win. But I cannot do it without your help.

I have come to the conclusion that the missing piece in my application is an impartial accounting of my greatness. Certainly, I try to paint a picture for the judges, in my own modest way. But I suspect that they do not understand the depths of devotion my teachings inspire. They have not heard from the heathens I saved, the lepers I healed. So I invite you, dear readers, to augment my Nobel Prize application with your own testimonial, in the form of a romantic Valentine's Day haiku.

A source tells me that this is how Al Gore won the most recent prize, and its accompanying cash award. But I am not requiring anyone to take part. You will not be excommunicated if you choose not to document your love for me and the ministry. But those who take part will be entered in a contest for a fabulous prize from the ministry's gift shop.

To enter, send your Valentine's Day haiku to ayatollahmugsy@gmail.com or send me a message on my MySpace page or my new Facebook page. Please put "haiku" in the subject line. The deadline to enter is 10 a.m. Thursday.

If I receive a sufficient number of entries, I will post photos of the Valentine's Day party I attended over the weekend in which young Wendell competed in a slobber-filled contest for the title of best kisser.

Is Cupid an infidel?

Happy Valentine's Day, my beloved flock. As I was being chauffeured to the mosque this morning, I heard a local radio host say that Muslims do not celebrate Valentine's Day. He cited as evidence a cleric in Indonesia who declared that it is forbidden to celebrate the holiday. Why this host would make such a blanket statement based on the pronouncement of one man, I do not know. Some Christians like to dance with poisonous snakes, yet I do not attribute such behavior to all of them. (However, on a side note, I am pleased to announce that Pug Life Ministries' new Christian Fundamentalist Serpent Handlers wing will conduct its first service on Feb. 25.)

If this radio host had been a regular reader of my blog, he would have seen the romantic poem I posted last year for the many Valentines in my harem. You see, it is true that Valentine's Day is not sanctioned in the Quran. But neither is it expressly forbidden.

What is the harm in celebrating this holiday? Clearly, there is none. As the Beatles once sang, "All you need is love." This is not true, of course, as love does not build lavish Dogloo-shaped religious shrines or gold-plated statues of a steed-mounted ayatollah. But love is certainly not a bad thing. I am a pug of great passion. I love the ladies of my harem. I love treats, which go paw in paw with Valentine's Day. And I even love an occasional flower, which -- in a pinch -- can be every bit as tasty as a treat.