Jake: 2001-2009

Today, I lost an old friend. Rabbi Jake, one of the elders of Pug Life Ministries, passed away after falling ill last week. I first met Jake when I was a puppy. He, too, was a youngster, and although we were about the same age, he always seemed like an older dog. Health problems plagued the schnauzer throughout his too-short life. He struggled to stand up on his own in recent years, but once he was upright, he still derived great pleasure from taking long, leisurely walks around the neighborhood. It was my distinct privilege to accompany him on some of those excursions. The sights and smells he'd encounter on those Oklahoma sidewalks always made Jake's day, and he would often give a grateful nip on the nose to his humans to show his appreciation.

Jake made his first appearance on this blog in the ministry's early days, back in 2005. And since then, I was honored to have Jake at my side for numerous momentous occasions. Our efforts for Mideast peace frequently left us exhausted, yet always hopeful. Jake was there to help me through the enriched rawhide crisis of 2006, and he helped me celebrate at the inaugural Ayatollah Mugsy Scouts spring cotillion last year. Jake also introduced me to the brand of canine freedom that only a doggy door can provide. We shared toys, bones and an appreciation for a good belly rub or a scratch behind the ears. You know, the finer things in life.

I am saddened that I will have no more adventures with Rabbi Jake, either on this blog or in his living room. Like all dogs, he was taken from us too soon. But I know that Jake was always loved by his family, and that he returned that love unconditionally. This, ultimately, makes the grief that we are now experiencing worthwhile.

Goodbye, my friend. We'll miss you.

Justice is served

Last week, I wrote of a looming threat facing the ministry. I immediately went to work to sniff out the infidel in our midst, leaving no stone unturned. Security was heightened throughout the compound, and Wendell and I stepped up our patrols along the fence line. Over the weekend, I traveled to Oklahoma to meet with the schnauzer Rabbi Jake, peace be upon him. Jake's wise counsel is always valued, and we put in place a plan to flush out this infidel. At this very moment, my security forces are closing in. An arrest is imminent, my flock. The infidel cannot hide; he cannot escape. He can only know the righteous justice of Pug Life Ministries! More details to come ...

Having a ball

It has been a busy weekend here at the ayatollah compound. Rabbi Jake came to visit, and he brought some of my relatives and followers along with him. The big event -- and the primary reason for his visit -- occurred Saturday night, when Rabbi Jake was the special guest barker at the inaugural Ayatollah Mugsy Scouts Spring Cotillion. It was a splendid evening -- an occasion to honor the girls who sold the most Mugsy Scout cookies throughout the year. They all dressed up in their finest gowns and enjoyed an evening of well-mannered song and dance with their canine escorts. (My little brother, Wendell, was quite a hit, as he dances a mean foxtrot.)

As the festivities began, each Scout was presented with a merit badge, as well as a rawhide necklace to ensure that even the homeliest child had no trouble finding a dance partner.

ARF security conference

Greetings, my flock. I come to you from an undisclosed location in central Oklahoma, where I have convened an emergency summit to discuss the urgent security issues facing the ministry. I met last night with Rabbi Jake and my new cousin Bruce, who also made the trek from the Dallas area. The three of us began with a thorough security sweep. We marked off several hundred yards of curbside property, claiming it for the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF). With a secure cordon around our meeting place, we went to work under the abundant stars. The talks sometimes got testy. I won't lie, my flock, a few growls were exchanged. A security crisis within the ministry has a way of ratcheting up the tension. But ultimately, we knew we were working toward the same purpose.

You may think that Bruce, being less than 4 months old, is too young to sit in on such high-level talks. But he is rather advanced for his age, and he is eager to learn. Plus, he is tall enough to knock the food off the humans' table.

Gearing up

Only 24 hours before I leave for the airport. I am filled with a mix of tail-wagging excitement and stoic determination. Excitement over getting to see the history-filled city of Prague and its varied architectural wonders; determination to smoke Blue Bull out of his bovine hole and bring him to justice. My mother, the daughter of a longtime Cold Warrior, was at first reluctant to accompany me behind the Iron Curtain. Her childhood aversion to the Eastern bloc still lingered. But I was finally able to convince her that the odds of being thrown into a gulag were virtually nil, and that the city is known for inexpensive glassware.

In my absence, Mallard and Rabbi Jake will handle the day-to-day affairs of the ministry. Please direct all questions and donations to them. Peace and rawhide be upon you all.

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P.S. -- Before I go, I must ask: Does anyone know the story behind this blog, which has purloined many of my posts? I am thoroughly perplexed.