Tonight's debate

I have been somewhat disappointed with the presidential debate moderators thus far this year. Candidates have often ignored their questions, and some of the questions seemed rather insignificant, given the limited debate time. So I have been pushing the Commission on Presidential Debates to allow me to replace Bob Schieffer in tonight's third and final debate. I would be forceful. I would ask the right questions. And I would point out the candidates' frequent lies and half-truths and put them on the spot to defend them.

But the commission has turned me down. It seems that neither candidate is comfortable with being associated with a radical cleric. Why that has suddenly become an issue, I cannot say. But I have not given up on having an impact. This afternoon, I forwarded Mr. Schieffer a suggested script to follow. The script is long, so I cannot post it all here at this time, thanks to my fading infiDell laptop battery. But it includes such vital, probing questions as these:

• "Mr. Obama, you say your candidacy is about change. Yet there has been nary a mention of dogs' rights in your stump speeches. What would you do as president that would give canines a reason to fraudulently register through ACORN and vote for you?"


• "Mr. McCain, given your advanced age, it is clear that you have made an effort throughout this campaign to exude a certain vigor. Are you aware that the Fonz is no longer considered an icon of youthful cool?"