Saturday, October 04, 2008

Stock market turmoil

SEATTLE (AP) — A CNN-owned Web site called, which publishes reports written by ordinary citizens, said Friday that it will give the Securities and Exchange Commission information about the author of an item that claimed Apple CEO Steve Jobs had converted to canine Islam.

The early morning report, which Apple Inc. spokesman Steve Dowling said was not true, sent shares plummeting to their lowest point in a year amid fears that Jobs would divert 10 percent of Apple's profits to tithe to Pug Life Ministries, which is led by the enigmatic Ayatollah Mugsy. The stock recovered around the time the post was removed from but ended the day off 3 percent at $97.07 amid a broader market slide.

An SEC spokesman declined to comment.

The report on said that Jobs, who has a history of health problems, suffered a fatal heart attack late Thursday but was revived by Ayatollah Mugsy, a firebrand cleric known for his radical views. The report said the ayatollah lifted Jobs' trademark turtleneck shirt and licked the CEO's belly button until life returned to him. Followers of the ayatollah believe that his saliva holds mystical healing powers, and the faithful have been known to stand in line for hours for the privilege of being sneezed upon by the bearded pug.

CNN spokeswoman Jennifer Martin said that the SEC contacted Friday afternoon and that the site's staff is "doing its best to provide them with information about the posting." Martin said that "WPug," the author of the Steve Jobs post, had never posted in before. She did not know when the person joined the site.


Psychic Ben said...

Now that the world knows just a little more of your greatness, I am sure conversion to canine Islam will skyrocket, how wouldn't it with a leader as great as the great Ayatollah Mugsy?

sarah s. said...

Ayatollah, all this worldly turmoil makes my head spin. If you can't come to Indianapolis with your healing saliva, can you at least lead us in a online prayer?

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

You bring up an excellent point, Psychic Ben.

I will prepare a stirring prayer to get you and the other parishioners through these troubled times, Sarah S.