The taxman cometh ... and the lawman, too

I apologize for the dearth of posts since last week's FBI raid, but as I'm sure you can understand, I have been busy attending to legal matters. The fate of Pug Life Ministries hangs in the balance. My lawyer has advised me not to go into detail on the baseless allegations against Pug Life, but I can say that among the most serious charges are tax evasion, racketeering, rawhide smuggling and polygamy. These charges are, of course, preposterous. I have made no secret of my past indiscretions. In fact, it was in the pound that I found Allah. But I have turned my life around. I am no longer the gang-banging, panty-raiding, gangsta-rapping pug of my puppyhood -- despite what the FBI, IRS and ATF would have you believe. I intend to fight these charges, and, God willing, I will win. Pug Life Ministries will emerge from these travails stronger and wealthier than ever.