Greetings, my flock. I have spent the last two days corresponding with the White House and Treasury Department as I pursued a bailout check for the ministry. I heard that the American taxpayers were generously giving away hundreds of billions of dollars, so naturally I wanted a piece of the action to pay off the mortgage on the ayatollah compound. Unfortunately, I was told that citizens who chose slowly but steadily appreciating homes that they could actually afford were out of luck.
This was most disheartening, but I hear there is actually a pit bull on one of the presidential tickets. Perhaps, God willing, she will be more sensitive to the needs of America's fiscally responsible canines.