Saturday, July 26, 2008

Mugsy issues fatwa

Too many times have I been distracted. A flash of light shatters the darkness, drawing my gaze away from the big screen and onto the tiny screen of a cell phone. And for what -- an insignificant text message? "No more!" I say. The infidels at the movie theater have left me no choice but to issue a fatwa!

Henceforth under canine Islam, it is strictly forbidden to use a cell phone for any purpose in a theater while the movie is showing. If your text-message conversation is truly more interesting than the film you paid $9 to see, then step outside and spare the rest of us your annoying presence. Violators will forfeit their thumbs.


Anonymous said...

How do we go about forfeiting the violator's thumbs? I hope there is leftover popcorn butter on them. That would be easier to digest! Rabbi Jake

Nevis said...

Huzzah! I agree!

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Good question, Rabbi Jake. Initially, we will try the honors system -- violators must remove their own thumbs. If this proves ineffective, we may have to use another technique.

This is why you will be invited to the world premiere of my upcoming movie, Nevis. Will Smith will portray me in the big-screen adaptation of my autobiography.

Ippo said...

That's a good teaching!
You should be preaching that in every theatre in every city .. especially now when all the good movies are out.

Benjamin said...

Oh, Mugsy you and your fatwas, keep em' coming. I know your movie has blockbuster potential, and am confident it will rake in the Oscars, and forever be considered Will Smith's greatest movie if all time.

Mugsy, you rock, keep it up!!!

Joe Shippert said...

This is just another example of the divine inspiration and wisdom of Mugsy. Not only is this fatwa good and just, but it benefits people across the world.

Just today I was thinking that if I could issue a fatwa, it would be to forbid loud, giggling, fake-blonde, thirty-somethings from annexing the cardiology room and using the echocardiography machine as an ultrasound to look at their bloated, pregnant abdomens and the fetal contents therein. We're supposed to be using that machine to diagnose heart problems in dogs! It is not to be used to play peek-a-boo with an unborn child while I wait outside for some ditz to put her pants back on so I can get my stuff out of that room and go home.

Of course, this is far to specific a fatwa, so it's just as well I leave these things to Ayatollah Mugsy.