A story with the potential to shake this ministry to its core recently came across my desk. A man in Knoxville, Tenn., says he was so consumed by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head while worshipping. Now, 57-year-old Matt Lincoln is suing his church for $2.5 million for medical bills, lost income, and pain and suffering. If successful, this lawsuit could set a dangerous precedent for Pug Life Ministries, my flock. So I must ask that you all now sign the waiver below and have it notarized.
I hereby assume all risks involved in my participation in Pug Life Ministries. I fully understand that the power of Allah, when channeled through the world's pre-eminent pug ayatollah, can be unpredictable and potentially dangerous. I hereby agree not to sue Pug Life Ministries, Ayatollah Mugsy or any other representatives of the ministry for any injuries, real or imagined, that may befall me in the course of my worshipping, religious instruction, faith-healing or exorcism, should the ayatollah deem such action necessary. In the event of my passing, I shall forfeit all property, bank accounts, stocks, bonds and rawhide deposits to Ayatollah Mugsy, peace be upon him.
(Signature) (Print name) (Date)