The blessing of the newborn

The miracle of birth. It is a blessing, as we all know. For without it, there would be no puppies.

Some friends of the ayatollah family had their first child this week, and mother has gone to visit the newly minted human, who happens to be the brother of the alluring Shelby. God willing, he will grow up to be my friend and put in a good word for me so that she might finally see fit to join my harem.

I am told that the new baby -- we will call him Mortimer -- is doing well, despite his early arrival. I am also told that his parents are pleased with him and feel no shame over their small litter size. This is good; for we should all be accepting of Allah's plan.

The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "When any human being is born, Satan pinches the body with his two fingers," thus causing the child to cry. This gives us our first clue that Satan is, among other things, not fit to be a babysitter. Fortunately for young Mortimer, he is born with access to ayatollah-approved bibs that offer a measure of protection against the evils of the world. And against spilled apple sauce. May his cries be few, and may he know every happiness.