Sunday, October 31, 2010

Mugsy's rules for trick-or-treaters

Hello, boys and ghouls of the congregation. Today is Halloween, and I have prepared a ridiculously large bowl of candy for the trick-or-treaters. This is important, not so much because we need ample candy for the neighborhood children, but because we want to have leftovers to enjoy ourselves. In order to promote an orderly trick-or-treating experience, I am publishing the following ground rules:
  1. The typical trick-or-treater may take two pieces of candy.
  2. The really cutes ones may take three or four. (Life is not fair, my flock.)
  3. The trick-or-treaters with facial hair, no costumes and deeper voices than father may choose their treat from a specially prepared separate bowl filled with aging packets of Parmesan cheese and crushed red pepper from Domino's Pizza. (Refer to Section 2 of Item No. 2 above.)
  4. Those who are afraid of two costumed, barking dogs may go home empty-handed. But the bone-chilling scare is on us. 
UPDATE: I have found two packets of Arby's Sauce and added them to the bowl for Category 3 above. None may question my generosity. 


Hank said...

Ayatollah, sir.....I heartily support rule number three I tell ya what!

Anonymous said...

Oh wow... arbys sauce - quite a treat!!! Now if only it comes with beef...


Salinger The Pug said...

We LOVE rule number three, sir!

Some turdley infidel kids showed up at NINE o'clock (an HOUR after the city said Trick or Treating was over) and mom gave them some old cereal bars that she found when she was cleaning out the pantry. Their "use by" date said 2005. HAHAHAHA!

Hope you and Wendell got LOTS of good treats!