Sunday, September 26, 2010

Mugsy recovers from surgery

Greetings, my flock. I come to you this weekend with a new line of stitches to affirm my legendary toughness. I went under the knife on Monday to have a tumor removed from my leg. The incision was near my knee, giving rise to concerns that my mobility might be affected. But as my recent leap onto father's lap in my favorite recliner shows, I am as resilient as ever. I am fully recovered from surgery, and I look forward to many more years leading the ministry. 

I want to thank my little brother Wendell for filling in as interim ayatollah on Monday. He showed remarkable acumen for such a young pup, putting down an attempted chew toy rebellion and leveraging the ministry's nuclear program to extort biscuits from the international community as if he were an old pro. I see a bright future for young Wendell, my flock. A bright future, indeed. Who knows -- he may even follow me into the clergy full-time. 

With all that said, there is one issue that concerns me greatly. While I was under the influence of anesthesia and dreaming about rawhide angels on Monday, the veterinarian cleaned my teeth. She found one that was loose and pulled it. But I have not received that tooth, my flock. It has vanished, leaving me no opportunity to summon the Tooth Fairy for a lopsided financial transaction. I scoured eBay, half-expecting to find it listed for a six-figure sum by an unscrupulous veterinary assistant. But there was no trace of my tooth. Now I am beginning to suspect that mother took it in the hopes of meeting her favorite silver-screen heartthrob. 

Would mother betray her eldest son for the chance to meet
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? And does she realize that
he is an actor and merely played the Tooth Fairy in a movie?


Joseph Shippert said...

Oh, that ain't right! I'd write a strongly worded letter to the veterinary clinic.

Hank said...

Ayatollah, mom, bein' a dental highjeenuhst, knows the tooth fairy personally. I'll have the ol' gal get on this, toot sweet!

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Perhaps I'll bring it up when I go in to get my stitches out, Joseph. If my private investigator hasn't snapped photos of mother and The Rock before then.

Your mom must save the Tooth Fairy a lot of money, Hank, helping them hang onto their teeth like that.