On this date in 1776, America's founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence and set out to establish a more perfect Great Satan. Today, we celebrate their success. I hope you all have a fun-filled, relaxing holiday weekend. And remember these safety tips:
- Use sunscreen.
- Do not drink and drive.
- Wear a lifejacket. (Unless you're on land; then you would just look silly.)
- Canines don't generally like the sound of firecrackers, so bring them inside where they won't be tempted to try to escape. Also, share the barbecue with them.
- Let the professionals handle the fireworks. Especially if you live next door to the ayatollah compound.
- If you choose to set off your own fireworks, remember to hold them in your non-dominant hand. This way, your penmanship is less likely to suffer if you blow off a limb.