Greetings, my flock. I have returned to the compound after spending much of the week away on business. I initially set out to Oklahoma City to quell a rebellion over the ministry's stance on chew-toy marriage. The stuffed infidels were staging protests and picketing Pug Life's Oklahoma Regional Headquarters. After crushing the insurrection and the chew toys' spirit, I found myself trapped by a major ice storm. At one point, my chauffeur was unable to get my vehicle back in the garage for over an hour -- the driveway was simply too steep and slick. Thankfully, the ice began to melt later in the week.
Because of my prolonged absence, I asked my little brother, Wendell, to blog in my place. But I see that he neglected his duties. He has recently developed a romantic attachment to a teddy bear, and I fear that this cotton-filled harpy is monopolizing Wendell's time and setting a bad example for him.
Showing posts with label teddy bear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teddy bear. Show all posts
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Mugsy weighs in on Sudanese teddy bear
I have just returned from Khartoum, where I won the release of a British schoolteacher convicted of insulting Islam via a teddy bear. Gillian Gibbons allowed her class to name the stuffed animal Muhammad, which also happens to be the name of the Prophet, peace be upon him. Many were enraged by this perceived affront. Demonstrators took to the streets to call for the teacher's execution, and prosecutors pressed charges that could have brought Ms. Gibbons 40 lashes and substantial prison time.
But those who sought to punish Ms. Gibbons have not studied Islam as I have. For nowhere in the Quran does it forbid one from using the name Muhammad. In fact, it is a popular male name in Sudan. So I appealed to Sudan's president to pardon the teacher. "Do it for the children," I implored. "Do it for my Nobel Peace Prize hopes." And he complied, on the condition that I give him my autograph. So I return with an ink-stained paw to teach you the proper handling of this case. The teacher, as I have indicated, is innocent of all charges. But there is one who is deserving of the 40 lashes: the teddy bear. Again, this has nothing to do with it being named Muhammad. That is simply the proper way to deal with a chew toy. And as we all know, a teddy bear is just a chew toy that hasn't yet found its way to a canine's eager teeth.
But those who sought to punish Ms. Gibbons have not studied Islam as I have. For nowhere in the Quran does it forbid one from using the name Muhammad. In fact, it is a popular male name in Sudan. So I appealed to Sudan's president to pardon the teacher. "Do it for the children," I implored. "Do it for my Nobel Peace Prize hopes." And he complied, on the condition that I give him my autograph. So I return with an ink-stained paw to teach you the proper handling of this case. The teacher, as I have indicated, is innocent of all charges. But there is one who is deserving of the 40 lashes: the teddy bear. Again, this has nothing to do with it being named Muhammad. That is simply the proper way to deal with a chew toy. And as we all know, a teddy bear is just a chew toy that hasn't yet found its way to a canine's eager teeth.
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