This could be hard to explain ...

Mother has been cleaning out the refrigerator quite aggressively. I pray that she doesn't stumble across any cryogenically frozen U.N. nuclear inspectors. 

U.N. condemns pug nuclear test

UNITED NATIONS (AP) -- The U.N. Security Council unanimously condemned Pugistan's first nuclear test on Saturday as a clear violation of a 2006 resolution aimed at curbing the canine nation's atomic program.

The statement emerging from the 15-member council's emergency meeting in New York came after President Obama urged the international community to "stand up to" the shadowy Pugistani leader, Ayatollah Mugsy, and demanded that he abandon Pug Life Ministries' nuclear program. 

Experts with the International Atomic Energy Agency said the fuel for the bomb probably came from spent fuel rods used in the ministry's controversial rawhide-enrichment program, which has drawn widespread international condemnation in recent years. Pug Life Ministries first clashed with the IAEA in late 2005, when the ministry allegedly abducted three nuclear inspectors and had them cryogenically frozen. The inspectors' whereabouts remain a mystery.

The latest underground nuclear blast took place early Saturday and was believed to be centered beneath the back yard of the ayatollah's suburban Dallas compound. Officials with Ayatollah Mugsy's ministry, which controls Pugistan's theocratic government, denied that the test violated any laws. 

"We called the city hotline and had all underground power and sewage lines clearly marked with colored flags before digging commenced," said one spokesdog, who asked to remain anonymous. "And there is no municipal law against subterranean nuclear testing -- we checked."

The Pugistani separatists are not members of the United Nations and therefore do not recognize the international body's authority. 

Though no neighbors would speak out publicly against the nuclear test, some privately vowed to bring the matter up at the next meeting of the Hillcrest Estates Homeowners' Association. 

It was not meant to be ...

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Obama's nominee for commerce secretary abruptly withdrew his name from consideration Thursday amid reports that he had paid no income taxes and that he led a religious-based group with the aim of seceding from the United States.

Ayatollah Mugsy, whom Obama had nominated less than 24 hours earlier, had little chance of being approved by Congress, according to legislative leaders.

The ayatollah, who would have been the first pug to ever hold a Cabinet position, declined to comment.

According to a report in Thursday's Washington Post, Ayatollah Mugsy had never filed a tax return and had openly antagonized the IRS. The radical cleric had also had run-ins with the United Nations and the International Atomic Energy Agency, at one point even holding inspectors from the nuclear agency hostage.

White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel said that Obama was unaware of these controversial links in the ayatollah's past.

Don't believe everything you read

UNITED NATIONS (AP) -- Investigators with the International Atomic Energy Agency have been stymied in their efforts to look into the alleged disappearance of a large quantity of enriched rawhide, officials say.

One high-level investigator, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the situation, said the apparent theft occurred in recent weeks at Pug Life Ministries' secretive compound in Texas.

"We hear that something went down at the Pug Life Telethon," the investigator said, referring to a recent fundraiser. "But unless those dogs cooperate, there's nothing the IAEA can do. At present time, we can't even get them to shake hands."

Sources inside the ministry, which is led by firebrand cleric Ayatollah Mugsy, refused to comment.

The ministry, described by some U.S. officials as a dangerous secessionist canine movement, has refused to cooperate with the U.N. in the past, with its enigmatic leader openly feuding with the IAEA.