THE EXPERIMENT: Attach a delicious stick of rawhide to several helium-filled balloons and see what happens.
PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS: We hypothesized that this research could lead to advances in pug aerospace, possibly boosting our efforts to capture the moon's vast hidden cache of green cheese. It could open up new avenues for safe rawhide storage. And it could further pug meteorological research, thus aiding our efforts to combat the scourge of wet fur.
THE TEST SUBJECT: Wendell
THE REACTION: "Seriously!?!?"
THE CONTROL: When conducting a scientific experiment, it is necessary to have a control group. In this experiment, we wanted to study the effect of the balloons on the pug and rawhide. Thus, we needed to examine a pug chewing rawhide without any helium-filled balloons. Mugsy graciously volunteered.
EARLY RESULTS: Frustration, mostly.
LONG-TERM RESULTS: Victory for Wendell! Allahu akbar!
OBSERVATIONS: Once the subject gained control of the rawhide and realized that it was capable of escaping his grasp, he chewed with great vigor, unwilling to let the rawhide go. However, study of the control subject Mugsy revealed similar behavior.
CONCLUSION: Since the subject did not take flight as hypothesized, further study will be required. Next time, we recommend doubling the balloon supply. And in the meantime, to promote greater airworthiness, it may be worthwhile to divert Wendell's share of Milkbones and other snacks to the ayatollah.