Sunday, November 06, 2011

Occupy Pugistan protests gain momentum

An Occupy Pugistan protester airs his grievances.

DALLAS (AP) -- The ever-growing Occupy Wall Street protest movement has expanded to a place few thought it would ever go: the Islamic canine republic of Pugistan.

Since Friday afternoon, a small but squeaky group of chew-toy demonstrators has been camped out at the front curb of the suburban Dallas compound of Ayatollah Mugsy, the founder of Pug Life Ministries and the spiritual father of the breakaway republic. Protests have largely focused on Wall Street and not the ayatollah's iron-pawed rule.

"Wall Street's corruption must be stopped," squeaked one teddy bear, who bore the tell-tale signs of the ayatollah's abuse. One of his eyes hung loosely down his cheek, and his wheezing squeak betrayed serious internal injuries. "Whenever the S&P 500 drops, the ayatollah's cruelty increases exponentially. Every time his 401(k) loses money, he takes it out on us chew toys."

The chew toys said that September, when the Dow Jones industrial average suffered multiple triple-digit plunges, was particularly brutal.

"These wild swings on Wall Street are killing us," said another chew toy, who asked not to be identified out of fear of retribution from the ayatollah's regime. He wore a Guy Fawkes mask to conceal his face.

The ayatollah has a history of violently crushing any hint of rebellion from his chew-toy subjects. But as of Sunday afternoon, the ministry had taken no apparent steps to dissuade the protesters. Some analysts speculated that the demonstrations, given their curbside location, had little chance of surviving beyond trash-collection day on Tuesday.

Sources within the ministry, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that Mugsy was content to let the protesters vent their anger toward Wall Street so long as it distracted their focus from the true source of their suffering.


Anonymous said...

Those poorly made chew toys are always whining at my house. Sarge, the schnauzer.

Anonymous said...

Sarge says, "Let them eat cake."

Anonymous said...

I beg you, in the name of Allah, free the chew toys!