Saturday, January 29, 2011

Chew toys protest Mugsy's rule

DALLAS (AP) -- Emboldened by the recent uprisings in Tunisia and Egypt, chew toys in suburban Dallas took to the patio Saturday to protest the rule of Ayatollah Mugsy. 

Dozens of stuffed animals and other creatures, many bearing the tell-tale scars of life under the ayatollah, waved signs and chanted slogans against the autocratic canine ruler. Protesters called on the international community and the U.S. State Department to support them in their bid to overthrow the pug, who they say has ruled with an iron paw for nearly a decade. 

"Ayatollah Mugsy has cotton on his paws," said one stuffed zebra, who declined to give his name for fear of retribution. 

Political analysts said that although the chew toys sought to draw parallels with the uprising in Egypt, their cause might be less likely to generate widespread public support.

"The Egyptian people are oppressed by Hosni Mubarak, who has staged a series of sham elections over the last 30 years to rubber-stamp his dictatorial rule. He has raided his country's economy to become a multi-billionaire while the Egyptian people live on an average wage of $1,800 a year. He has denied the Egyptian people their basic human rights and freedoms," said Fred Gullerson, a political science professor at Southern Methodist University. "This pug, on the other hand -- Ayatollah Mugsy -- is just flat-out adorable. Whereas Mubarak is extremely unpopular, Mugsy's policies enjoy widespread support among the canine street. Plus, I think the prevailing sentiment is that chew toys are meant to be chewed upon."

But don't tell that to Bennie the Beaver, who kicked along a sign that read "No more innocent cotton spilled" as he marched against the ayatollah's regime on Saturday. "I can't carry the sign, because that damn pug ate my paws," Bennie said. He then tried in vain to make an obscene gesture toward the ayatollah's compound.

Officials with Ayatollah Mugsy's Pug Life Ministries declined to comment, but some observers said he appeared visibly shaken as he watched the demonstration from the safety of his fortified lair. 

At the United Nations, Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon pleaded for restraint. But the ayatollah is known for responding harshly to challenges to his rule. His younger brother Wendell has become the ministry's de facto enforcer and is reputed to have dismembered more than 1,000 chew toys in a single day, all without skipping his customary naptimes. 

"His lust for cotton is the stuff of legend," said SMU's Gullerson. "Or should I say, 'stuffing.'"


Eagle The Pug said...

Mugsy if you need any help with air raids I am now the top dog at our own airport. I too have had to teach the chew toys in our region some valuable lessons, recently I along with my brothers ripped a flea chew toy to shreds, and now we're taking action against it's cohort the tick.

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Your work to suppress the rebellion is to be lauded, Eagle. Keep it up!